ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO
by Chris Oddland
Summary: The original title is Urashima Keitaro and the ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO and is the sequel to Urashima Keitaro Super-Villain Extraordinaire and Urashima Keitaro the evil criminal mastermind.Chapter 3 posted and now corrected.
1. Something Wicked This Way Comes

Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Love Hina. I'm just using the characters for my sick and twisted amusement. All Marvel-related stuff belongs to Marvel Comics.. All the songs mentioned in this fic belongs to the bands/artists who made them. And I don't own the Cthulhu Mythos. Stormbringer is the property and creation of Michael Moorcock.

* * *

It was a dark (but not stormy) night.

Two long-eared beings stood in front of a grave.

They were elves.

One of them blond and the other one red-haired, dressed in clothes woven out of colourful fabrics. Their cloaks were forest-green and enabled them to meld with natural surroundings, almost invisible to the human eye. It was quite out of place to see such wondrous creatures carrying a katana in a scabbard each.

The engravings on the gravestone read "**Seygram**** 13 burns in hell!!**"

"I'm glad of being rid of that inferior fool." Said _insert Japanese-like elven name here_.

"Yes," replied _insert Japanese-like elven name here also_, "All who speak out against the superiority of the elven race must perish."

Ever since the earth consumed the deranged fic-writer and the infamous sword Stormbringer, people had placed a gravestone where he was swallowed up (after a big celebration that took seven days) and been generally happy.

He was a very much hated fic-writer. So they were glad that he was dead.

Especially the people who digged elves in fantasy literature and dissed the other races.

"Must you always piss on his grave?" _asked insert Japanese-like elven name here also_ _insert Japanese-like elven_ _name here_.

"Yes! I must show this worthless human my contempt of him (even though he rots in his grave)!"

He didn't get to begin his act as a black blade suddenly erupted from the earth and impaled itself in the belly of the blond elven male, cutting through the mithril shirt hidden under his clothes as if it was just plain silk.

"Aaaagghhh! Help! It's got me!"

And then he died as Stormbringer drank his soul.

A very much dirty fic-writer holding said blade, emerged from the earth. He was covered in dirt and earth, looking very pissed.

**"I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!"**

The red-haired male elf whimpered in terror and Seygram 13 cut him down, severing him in half as a sideways slash struck the elf in the torso. It seemed that the mithril was unable to deflect the blow.

"You know, Stormbringer?" he said afterwards, cleaning the blade with one of the cloaks worn by the elves.

"What?" said the Black Blade in an irritated tone.

"You could have been of some help with digging us out of **here!!!!**"

"I was made to devour souls, not digging through the earth!"

"Says the infamous Black Sword, one of the most powerful weapons in all the multiverse."

"I'm a sword, not a frickin' shovel!"

"Actually you're not a sword, but a living sentient evil being who has taken the form, shape and deadliness of one."

Seygram13 not wanting any further debates with the soul-devouring sword, decided instead to wipe his very much dirty glasses.

(One day I'll finally get rid of that _BLEEPING_ sword! Not that I've tried many times to ditch it somewhere it can't find me.)

Even though Stormbringer was considered the most dangerous sword in the world and most likely the most powerful one in existence, Seygram13 hated it with every fibre of his being.

He had tried throwing it into a volcano, buried it in a pile of rubble, stuffing/spitting it deep into the torsos of various inhuman things, entombing it in a crypt, dropped it into the vast ocean; but it always seemed to come back to him for some reason.

At least it was useful as a weapon to slay munchkin elves with. Most elves nowadays had too many high stats and too good (to be true) AC that made it hard for other races to compete with. That and those _BLEEPING_ mithril chain mail armours that even elven mages could wear. And how in the world did the elves of a medieval setting get the knowledge to make magical super katanas from the orient?! He really hated those fighter/mage bladesingers that kept popping up around the world.

Now was the time to unleash the most terrible Love Hina fic in the entire world.

A fic so horrible, so filled with Out Of Character moments, so demented that it would haul in as many flamings as possible.

Then he would be acknowledged as the supreme fic-writer of bad Love Hina fics. He would then be crowned as the** worst **of all the worst fic-writers.

* * *

For this story's called: Urashima Keitaro **and THE ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO**

_Rated R for Retarded._

_Flamings__ are recommended._

Chapter 1: Something wicked this way comes

* * *

It is said by some pessimists that life's a bitch and then you marry one. The really cynical ones that is.

But sometimes forces beyond our human reckoning can influence the course of destiny.

Take Keitaro Urashima for example.

In many parts of the multiverse he is destined to wed (the sometimes shrewish but also nice and deep-inside good-hearted ) Naru Narusegawa and attend Toudai, become an archaeologist, become a Seta look-a-like and blah… blah… blah… blah… blah.. happy ending and so on.

But in this reality Keitaro was the victim of a both fortunate and unfortunate accident that altered the course of this individual forever.

To be short and very blunt--he became a super-villain hellbent on causing mayhem and destruction….and later conquering the world and turn people like you and me into his thralls.

The fortunate thing was that he didn't end up as a miniature clone of Seta.

No one knew that punching Keitaro so hard and hurtling him towards or rather upwards to Kaolla Su's room and into the table where several chemicals in test tubes and vials would make him spite the destiny laid before him and embrace the path of **evil**.

Unleashing the dark side of the young man, his frustration, his anger, his thirst for revenge, and the sadism that lurks in the soul of us all.

With all his moral restraints gone he became--**the Ronin**--a villain without equal (in his mind at least).

Later in his career he founded the **evil **organization K.A.P.P.A. with his protégé, the little girl known as Sarah MacDougal, who willingly embraced the path of her new mentor.

KAPPA came close to world domination with the powerful Hate Ray MK I™, but thanks to the intervention of the crazed vigilante Punisher and the wise cowardice of all the KAPPA members, the world was saved.

Since the "Island", his island base was blown up due to the activation of your average day self-destruct mechanisms, KAPPA had to re-locate their headquarters.

Now in Syria, under the Krak des Chevaliers, KAPPA had found the perfect hiding place. Having built an underground base under this famous stronghold and tourist attraction, they had become as good as undetectable by any protagonists that were looking for them.

In the HQ's control room, Number Three was reading several documents about the activities of KAPPA around the world.

Things certainly looked positive today; while there were a few setbacks, the organization could afford them.

"How soon before the Hate Ray MK II ™ is finished?" he asked one of the many technicians monitoring the activities of KAPPA agents around the world with the ultra-modern surveillance systems that had recently been purchased.

"Only a few days before it is ready, sir." the technician replied.

"Very well, carry on then."

"Pardon me for bothering you, Number Three, but where is Number One?"

"He's busy somewhere else."

"I take it that any more information is classified."

"It sure is."

"What was that name of that tiny and almost unknown nation we were supposed to test it on? The one I keep forgetting."

"Molmol, if I'm not mistaken."

* * *

Meanwhile….

In the newly established KAPPA base under the Hinata-sou, Keitaro was hatching a diabolical scheme as usual.

He and Sarah had decided to build a base under the abandoned dormitory. This underground facility was to be the place where the might of the powerful Hate Ray MK II™ would be unleashed and result in his glorious and **evil **ascendancy as ruler of the world.

While the Krak des Chevaliers was the main headquarters of KAPPA, Keitaro was not the fool to risk the safety of the HQ when activating his new doomsday device.

Besides he wanted to fire it in Hinata just for the irony of it all.

The place of his rebirth as a totally different person.

Where it all began.

Nostalgia.

But know he was busy with tormenting his former "love" and kendo-girl by reciting poetry.

"And I kissed the decaying lips of your severed head as I danced over your dug up grave…."

Macabre poetry that is.

"The moon was shining on my naked body as I defiled your final resting place. My insane laughter echoing from the cold dark moors. My unholy joy as I sung the praises to the dark ones."

Naru Narusegawa and Motoko Aoyama looked like they were completely stoned (both had a blank look in their eyes and it seemed that Motoko was in fact drooling), having heard poetry so tasteless and idiotic for over five hours--that their brains shut down in self-defence. They were shackled to very expensive and comfortable chairs as the Ronin pranced in front of them while reading from a little book.

"I don't think they can hear you anymore, Boss," informed Naomi, the clone of Naru while taking out the earplugs placed in her ears to block out the horrible sounds. Practicality was one of her vices. She had been sitting in a chair nearby reading a paperback book.

"I agree with Naomi, Four-eyes." were the words coming from Mariam, Motoko's sarcastic clone as she nonchalantly threw her earplugs into the trash bin that stood a few metres behind her, showing that she also possessed the Aoyama's almost inhuman precision and skills.

The clones had themselves decided what their names were going to be. Naomi just used the "N" in Naru to make her name, while Mariam used the "M" in Motoko to make hers. Today they were dressed in casual street clothes. Mariam wore a black t-shirt where it read "Born 2 Kill" on the front and a black leather jacket as well. Her blue jeans and dark trainers completed her look as an out of place Japanese trying to look like a punk. Naomi was no better, wearing a blood-red t-shirt where it read "Natural Born Killer" in yellow letters as well as a brown leather jacket and black jeans and grey-blue sneakers.

"I think I'll ignore what you just said, Mariam-**chan**."

"Don't call me that!" she angrily retorted.

"Then stop calling me 'Four-eyes', joker." Was the remark coming from Keitaro.

"Very well. A truce then." she finally said. For now she let him have his moment of triumph, but she would soon tip the scales of their "debates" when his defences were down.

Naomi was getting really tired of the verbal duels between Mariam and their creator. The two of them seemed to enjoy their discussions in their own way, but it was a real pain to the others listening to them bicker. She shrugged and went back to reading Stephen King's novel Carrie which is practically a heart-warming story of a telekinetic killing most of her abusers in a grisly way.

Number Two, a.k.a. Sarah MacDougal was sparring with the men in the training room, teaching them some unorthodox martial arts moves that could be useful in dangerous situations.

* * *

Meanwhile…

In a giant underground complex under the rebuilt Toudai, resided a cult of really despicable proportions.

Originally this cult originated from Massachusetts (their leader being a descendant of the people living in Innsmouth), but had for bizarre reasons established a stronghold in Nippon (Japan) under the Tokyo University.

The high priest was your average day cultist leader, cruel, intelligent, ruthless and so on.

But for reasons unknown to man…he had actually married a female deep one.

Yes he married a frog-like fish-woman entity and had children! DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT LIKE THIS!!

Two sons in fact.

The divorce had been rather messy. Living sacrifices. Bolts of arcane energy being flung like hail. Summoning of creatures that would make most people spend the rest of their lives in an asylum (or making them the creature's next meal).

In the end it was the wife who gained the custody of the boys, but that didn't stop the father from visiting his sons and his sons from visiting him.

"Croak?" croaked the son to his father.

"Yes, Leonard, I'm sure that your mother hasn't been able to trace us with her scrying spells again."

Leonard who was the oldest of the two had been subjected to a spell from his mother that sped up the gradual transformation to a deep one against his will. He didn't mind being scaly and slimy anymore, retaining his human side and intelligence and now being able to tour the seas for free, but he couldn't do the knife trick anymore since he know had webbed hands. He still wore human clothes. Today he was wearing grey jeans and a white t-shirt that read "My parents went to R'lyeh and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt!" in a language unknown to most humans.

"I sure hope so, dad." said Hannibal, his youngest son who in fact appeared like a normal boy at his age. But he had the tendency to wear his cultist robes everywhere he went. When a rather rude and drunk Japanese insulted him by calling him a girly gaijin wearing a dress, he responded by later summoning a pack of Byakhees that ate the man slowly in a very gruesome manner.

_A note of advice: If you see an individual dressed in sinister cultist robes roaming the _

"Croak?"

"What am I working on know. Well, Leonard, it's one of the most powerful creations ever made!"

He led the boys through various corridors and to a very large door forged of an unknown metal.

The high priest began to chant an ancient spell in a guttural tongue, and as he finished reciting the incantation, the doors began by unknown force to open before him, swinging outwards silently.

What the boys saw was rather startling.

"Isn't it beautiful, boys!" their father sighed in satisfaction, tears of joy in his eyes. "BEHOLD THE POWERFUL AND ALMIGHTY………..**MECHA-CTHULHU**"

"Croak!?!"

"I agree with you, big brother. I think our dear, dear father has totally loco."

Hannibal looked critically at his father. "Honestly, dad…. WHAT IN THE WORLD POSSESSED YOU INTO BUILDING A GIANT MECHA VERSION OF THE GREAT CTHULHU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mother Hydra and Father Dagon! Have gone out of your mind!!"

The great high priest named Clarence the Mad, leader of this cult devoted to Cthulhu, had in fact built a giant green metallic 50-foot version of the Great Old One.

It possessed great metallic wings and a face covered with several metallic tentacles. All in all a somewhat smaller metallic replicate of the great and terrible Cthulhu.

"And soon those destined to pilot it will come." Said the high priest while pointing at three engraving on one of the rock walls.

They were engravings of three people.

All of them wearing what seemed to be glasses of various sizes.

One of them seemed to be a little chubby or big-boned, while one of the others seemed a little bit thinner than the others. The last one appeared quite normal when it came to how he looked, but it seemed rather strange that he was riding a flying turtle made of metal. And that he was grinning like a maniac.

"Soon The Ones Who Will Cause Great Mayhem And Destruction will come and claim the birthright which is rightfully theirs!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

"Croak?"

"When the time will come? Soon. Very soon; maybe sooner than you think." he finished with but a whisper.

"Yeah, right!" commented Hannibal sarcastically.

* * *

It was a very nice day for Shinobu Maehara.

Her parents hadn't argued all day, and she was just sitting on a bench in the park while enjoying the silence and serenity around her.

While she missed Keitaro and the others, she was happy for her Sempai that he had finally stood up for himself...

even if he became a super-villain. She was glad that he was free to do as he wished.

It had hurt to let him go like that, but at least he was free, free of all the restraints that bound him.

He had looked so happy and free as he flew from Hinata, even after he crashed through that building on full impact, like a caged wild animal freed from imprisonment…and rabid as hell.

She wondered what happened to the others after most of them had been sentenced to prison a while ago. She had read in the newspaper that Keitaro's aunt had been in a rather unfortunate accident in prison, and that the prison doctor was placed in an asylum. She got no info about Kitsune in the paper though.

Naru-sempai and Motoko-sempai had been kidnapped by Keitaro when he stormed the maximum security prison they were placed in, and no word of them was heard since.

It could have something to do with that broadcast where he told about that Hate Ray of his that would turn all the women into angry versions of Naru and Motoko at their worst.

(Nah! I must be reading too many gaijin comics.) Shinobu thought.

* * *

"Hey! No civilians allowed!" bellowed an American soldier at the guard post, while wishing that he had never been stationed in _BLEEPING_ Okinawa in _BLEEPING_ Japan in the _BLEEPING_ American base where he was standing guard.

He didn't have anything against the local populace here. He just hated the fact that some of the people stereotyped most of them as arrogant bastards who thought they could do whatever they liked and get away with it. He had only taken a few drinks in a bar and then bumped into a Japanese woman by pure accident. And she began screaming about assault, rude gaijin and all that drivel. Luckily the courts managed to clear out the accident, and discovering that the woman had been drinking too much. He still hated what they wrote about him in the papers though.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I seem to be lost." Mutsumi Otohime apologized in English. She was visiting her family in Okinawa where she used to live, recovering from the entire ordeal in Hinata. She had simply taken a walk, but being simply Mutsumi, she had somehow by bad luck ended up in front of one of the American bases in Okinawa.

"I'm no tour guide. Just ask one of your fellow citizens for directions."

Then Mutsumi fainted.

The soldier looked panicked.

"I didn't do anything to her!" he shouted to the other pedestrians in the area, hoping that they wouldn't tear him to pieces.

A few of them looked at him as if he was crazy.

"Oh that's just Mutsumi Otohime. She's an anaemic. Nothing to worry about, she faints all the time. She'll wake up after a while." a young man said.

"Could you please bring her to the nearest hospital? It isn't exactly good for us guys stationed here if a tabloid reporter begins writing lies about us assaulting Japanese women again. I've told you a million times that it was just an **accident!**"

"Isn't the infirmary in your base closer?"

"What?"

"Just place her in one of the hospital beds and she'll later come around."

"Oh no, you don't! You're just planning to sick the press on his us and accuse us of gang-banging an innocent girl who just happened to 'faint' in front of our base after I've placed her in the infirmary! Hey, You! Wake Up!" he shouted as he began to shake the unconscious Mutsumi.

"I'm not doing a smear campaign against you, honest."

"Then just get her to the nearest hospital, chump!"

"You know, I could call the local press and accuse you of not helping people in dire need."

The guard looked at him disgusted and frustrated. "All right! All right! But you, you, you, you and you are coming with as witnesses to prove that nothing happened here!" he said pointing and randomly choosing five Japanese: one old man, a guy dressed as a punk, one woman, a teenage girl, and the young man he was talking to.

"But I don't know her!" whimpered the old man in broken English.

"**Move!**" the guard said while fingering his rifle.

And they obeyed.

"Crazy gaijin!" muttered a nine-year old Japanese boy while walking past them, having seen the entire incident.

* * *

After placing the unconscious girl on one of the sick beds, the guard gave two of the people video cameras and told them to keep filming the girl until she woke up to show that nothing "happened" in the infirmary.

He also gave them some magazines to read before he went back to his post. Luckily a friend temporarily stood guard while he herded the five people while carrying the unconscious girl into the infirmary.

The punk immediately produced a make-up set and began to paint a clown mask on Mutsmi's sleeping face when the guard was gone, having been released from the psychiatric clinic only moments for having a strange obsession with painting the faces of other people until they looked like clowns.

The others were amused.

* * *

A few days earlier…

"Black Mamba to King Cobra. Do you read me? Over." Kanako Urashima said, having activated the com-link on her wrist.

"I read you, Black Mamba. What's your status, Sis?"

"I've infiltrated the outer grounds of the Japanese military complex, 'Bro'. Waiting for further orders."

"Well I need you to sabotage the secret weapon they're building and steal the Japanese version of the Giant-Man formula based upon the original Giant-Man formula by Dr. Henry Pym, using his Pym particles theory. You know the guy who used to call himself Ant-Man, Yellowjacket, Giant-Man, Goliath and is a member of the Avengers." Keitaro said. "You think you can do it?"

Kanako thought about it for a few seconds. "I could try, but I'm not promising anything."

"If it gets too dangerous, just pull out. I won't hold anything against you, Kanako. Just be careful."

"Affirmative, Black Mamba over and out." she said and turned off her wrist com-link.

Kanako Urashima: stepsister of Keitaro. An expert in disguise and as lethal as anything lethal on the planet. Trained in martial arts. Ruthless and intelligent.

After having been adopted for a while in the Urashima family, Kanako fell in love with her own stepbrother, due to his kindness and supportiveness. Many times she wished that she had been adopted by another family, knowing that having a relationship with her stepsibling was taboo.

When that kind man had disappeared, replaced by the Ronin, something in her had died that day. At first she didn't know what that feeling was, but then she began to realize that it was the love she had harboured for him that disappeared. While despairing at first, she was realistic enough to simply get over it. But that took a while.

Then much to her surprise, Keitaro contacted her.

He offered her a job that would allow her to expand her various skills--as the top agent and assassin of KAPPA. He offered her power. And he offered a harem composed of clones cloned from the blood and tissue of his former self (the kind-hearted and patient git who was clumsy and lovable).

She had noticed that this Keitaro was as different to the old Keitaro, as a lamb was the total opposite of a grey old wolf.

She accepted the offer willingly and eagerly.

The void was then filled with sibling love and understanding. While it didn't completely remove the love lost, she now felt that they were more than before kindred in spirit. They respected each other as equals, even though Keitaro could be a little overprotective sometimes.

Her black bodysuit was helping her meld into the shadows tremendously. While she was skilled in the art of stealth and sneaking, she knew that usage of various gear could mean either life or death when various unexpected situations arose.

The night was her element as she moved in the shadows like a cat silently stalking its prey.

(Too easy!) she thought as she snuck up on an unsuspecting lone guard reading a whodunit novel, taking him out with a open-handed blow to the neck with her right hand. (Good night, Gracie!)

* * *

"What's up, Yosuke?" one of the soldiers guarding one of the entrances to the complex asked the other soldier who approached them.

"Hi, Hiroshi. Just going back to my locker to fetch some more books, since I somehow managed to finish this novel faster than I expected."

"Captain Yasunori isn't going to be happy about this again, friend. He swore that the next time he caught you sneaking to your locker while on guard duty, he would himself feed you to the sharks."

"I know the captain means well, but he can be too uptight for comfort sometimes."

"You're telling me," muttered another soldier. "You know how many times he forced me to polish my boots?"

"Nine times until he was finally satisfied?"

"You see! That's how uptight that bastard is even in a good mood!"

Yosuke then dragged his ID card through the card slot placed on the left side of the massive steel door, then punched in his private entry code on the panel under the slot. "You want me to get some coffee for you?" he said as the door slowly opened before him.

"Nah, just be quick about getting the books before you get caught by one of Yasunori's goons."

"Thanks, I owe you guys one."

"You say that every time, Yosuke."

Yosuke then entered and closed the door by pressing the button inside that closed it.

(Just like I said--too easy!) "Yosuke" thought.

Number Three had given her files containing names of men and women working outside and inside the facility, even revealing quirks, habits, hobbies and secrets the persons had.

The tied-up, unconscious and gagged Yosuke lay hidden somewhere safe as she stole his identity to simply gain entry to this well-guarded place.

Kanako began to scratch her itching head. (I hate those cheap mail-order wigs!)

She now knew why they in fact were so inexpensive, since they were in fact too itching for comfort.

She immediately entered the female bathroom, seeing it devoid of any witnesses and promptly flushed the hateful wig down the toilet in one of the stalls.

"Now to get another disguise." She whispered to herself, while taking off the uniform she had nabbed from that guard. Now she only had to wait for another victim.

She didn't have to wait long as a female scientist entered the bathroom. She was quickly subdued when Kanako from her hiding place on the ceiling dropped down on her and then slammed her head against the floor after a few seconds of impact. Kanako then pulled out a giant band of duct tape and gagged and tied the unconscious scientist up in one of the toilet stalls, then remembering that she forgot to take off the scientist's clothes had to untie her then take off her clothes and then re-tie her afterwards.

* * *

"Doctor Masami", the renowned chemist, exited the bathroom, her destination: The Lab Area.

The guards and fellow scientists she passed thought it odd that she was sometimes scratching her head.

(Argh! Next time, buy the expensive ones!) she berated herself.

Using the ID card and the personal code downloaded into her wrist computer and com-link hidden under the lab coat, she easily gained entry into the vast laboratory crawling with scientists and a few guards.

"Ah, right on time, Dr. Masami!" exclaimed an old male scientist to her. "We were just going to test the Giant-Man formula on one of the test subjects."

He then led her to a small table surrounded by other scientists. On the table lay two small flasks containing a strange liquid.

"It took us years, but finally we are able to replicate the growth expanding serum guarded viciously by the ignorant fool who made Ultron."

(Ah! It itches! It itches!) Kanako began desperately scratching her aching head, resulting that the wig fell off and saving the readers from boring technical monologues and dialogues from the lead scientist. (Uh-oh! My cover's blown!!)

She quickly grabbed the two flasks and placed them in one of the storage pouches in her belt under the lab coat before any of them could react.

That is until now.

"A spy! Get her!" the lead scientist bellowed before the heel of Kanako's left foot caught his chin in a vicious roundhouse kick, throwing him onto four scientists. She then pounced on one of the guards before he could remove the automatic pistol in his holster, delivering a foot edge kick to one of his knees and then downing him with a back fist blow as he screamed in pain. A scientist made a grab for the guy's gun, but she attacked with a jumping kick to the solar plexus and grabbed the gun as she took a defensive roll to avoid the gunfire from the other guards.

She kicked down one of the tables, spilling beakers of chemical over the sterile floor, using it as a cover. Kanako traded fire with the other guards, using precision mastered by only few marksmen, and downing them with wounding shots to either the legs or the arms. After firing a three warning shots against the scientists, she heard the clicking sound as she anew pulled the trigger, realizing that she was out of bullets. She knew that making a run for one of the guards guns or ammo clips could cost her dearly and threw the empty Glock 17 at a advancing scientist holding one of the downed guard's guns, sending him twitching on the floor when it struck right in the face.

The alarm began to howl.

Kanko knowing she had only a few minutes to complete her second objective, grabbed one of the unconscious scientists and used him as a living shield as she ran for the door. It seemed to work as she knew that most of the personnel in the laboratory were irreplaceable.

As she exited the lab, she dropped the scientist like a sack of potatoes and made a run for the storage chamber where the most dangerous weapons where holed up.

She ripped off the disguise as she ran, her black bodysuit as dark as the shadows in the darkened corridor.

Most of the guards were easily dealt with when she encountered them, most of them lacking her ferocity and skill in close combat. Some of them were skilled in unarmed combat, managing to deal out a blow or two that connected, even though she managed to block most of them. A rifle butt suddenly connected to her face after downing three guards, making her spit blood. One of the guards had been waiting for the others to exhaust her before taking her on singly.

(Smart guy.) Kanako though as she gritted her teeth and positioned herself in a defensive combat stance.

The guard grinned as he then began to swing the rifle like club against her stomach.

Kanako immediately blocked with the outside of her left arm. The arm absorbed the impact meant for its intended target, making her howl in pain, clutching it with her right.

(Nothing's broken yet! Can't afford another block!)

Her adversary smiled viciously as he turned the rifle around and strapped on a razor-sharp bayonet.

Kanako responded by pulling out her secret weapon given to her by the KAPPA weapon facility. It was….. a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle which she held by the head and neck.

"Very funny, miss! Are you trying to make me laugh to death!" the soldier mocked, then screamed and charged, the bayonet aimed at one of her legs.

She quickly sidestepped, receiving only a glancing blow that could be counted as a flesh wound. "Have at thee!!" she screamed and struck with full force, the pulley squeaking as she struck him squarely on the face, breaking his nose and sending him to the land of the dreaming.

She strapped the chicken to her belt and grabbed the assault rifle, knowing that it was loaded.

(Luckily for me that moron decided to take me on in close combat or I would have been dead or worse, captured and then tortured!) she thought as she turned of the safety of the rifle. She didn't know what model it was or who manufactured it, and frankly she did not care as long as it served her purpose.

She knew that even if they found and examined the rifle, they would only get the fake fingerprints of a woman reported deceased in a fire accident. She had to thank the boys back in the KAPPA HQ in Syria for the fake skin layer on her hands. But on the other hand since it was possible to discover most people's identities through DNA nowadays, it would only temporarily hold back the evidence of her presence. Unless she made a few measures of her own.

Luckily the ID card she had earlier filched from the lead scientist as he led her to the table allowed her to enter the storage complex even if the alarm was activated.

She entered a platform in a giant storage hangar.

"Looks like someone's been watching too much goddamn Gundam!" she laughed mockingly as she saw the military's top secret weapon.

Even though Keitaro loved to watch the various Gundam series as a kid, she had hated them with a passion that bordered on unholy, preferring to watch Dirty Harry films instead. She had sometimes watched a few episodes of various Gundam series with her brother when she was bored though. At least she and Keitaro both loved watching MacGyver on television.

What she saw was a giant robot that resembled a Gundam. Kanako didn't know which model it looked like and frankly did not care.

"There she is! Get her!"

She looked down from the platform and saw soldiers appearing from another entrance that lay several feet under where she stood. And from the sound of the banging on the closed metal door behind her the soldiers were attempting to break through the door.

She activated her wrist computer and punched in a few buttons.

(Only got a few minutes before the welcoming committee breaks through that d-)

She didn't get to finish as a hole was blasted through the door. She fired a few bursts through the "opening" keeping the soldiers at bay while still retaining some bullets.

She quickly looked for an escape route. (Shit! No ventilation shafts nearby. Too high to jump. Only a steel cable leading to a platform near that frickin' robot . Waitaminute?!? Cable?!)

She then remembered an old point and click adventure game by Lucasarts®: The Secret of Monkey Island™. She had and Keitaro had fun playing it on an old computer given to her by one of their relatives several years ago.

And she knew what had to be done.

She un-strapped the rubber chicken on her belt, placed the pulley over cable and grabbing hold of the legs she ran over to the edge of the platform. Bullets passing by her as she began to ride the cable over to the other side.

As she arrived on the other side, she heard an explosion and from a new hole in the ceiling, her brother's Tama Glider descended in front of her.

She twisted the head of the rubber chicken off and threw the headless rubber instrument near the giant mecha as it began to tick.

She jumped onto the glider, and raced for the exit the thing had made.

(1…2…3…4…5…and-)

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM_

A tremendous explosion rocked the hangar as the high-explosive Rubber-Chicken-With-A-Pulley-In-The Middle Diablo Edition Mark 666™ detonated, turning the giant robot into heated scrap metal.

* * *

Kanako laughed like a madwoman she felt fresh air through her face again, enjoying the freedom of flying. Riding her brother's infamous Tama Glider was really something.

Behind her lay the complex, a big hole through a part of the roof and smoke coming from it.

She activated the com-link. "Black Mamba to King Cobra. Mission accomplished. I repeat--mission accomplished."

"Good work, Black Mamba." The Ronin replied. "Return to base and I'll have those clones up in a jiffy."

"I think I'll be content with just one, Keitaro. One's more than enough in my opinion."

"I thought all girls like you secretly wanted a harem to indulge all manners of twisted NC-17 fantasies."

"Then you were mistaken." Kanako corrected him, showing that she did in fact have a lot of common sense. And besides it was expensive to run a harem.

"Seems that way." Keitaro admitted.

Kanako suddenly had the urge to sing Iron Maiden's Bring Your Daughter…To The Slaughter as she soared through the sky.

* * *

The present:

"Hey, Kaolla," Shinobu said to her friend as she sat down beside her on the park bench. "Haven't seen you for a while."

It had taken a while before the authorities had finally allowed Kaolla Su into the country (after numerous bribes from the Royal family of Molmol).

She heard the sound of something moving in a bush behind them.

Shinobu then remembered that one condition of allowing Su into Japan was that an agent was to monitor her activities for a while to see if she was a considerable danger factor. Several camera footages withheld from public revealed Keitaro smashing into several chemicals, later transforming him into the diabolical Ronin, The destroyer of the Tokyo University, the IDIOT Villain with too much luck than should be allowed, the mastermind behind KAPPA and wannabe conqueror of the world.

The government ignored most of Su's earlier antics (despite the property damage caused), seeing the danger should a foreign power ever obtain knowledge of the chemical substances doused on the once kind, patient, dumb and lovable Keitaro. It would have been a catastrophe if someone had been going around turning people into villains and turning them loose in society.

Luckily she couldn't remember most of the formulas, so they allowed the little genius into the country (after more bribes from Molmol) under a temporary surveillance.

"Hi, Shinobu!" Su smiled at her. Shinobu smiled back.

While Kaolla was a little too dangerous for comfort, she was also a good friend to be with.

They had earlier agreed meeting each other in the park…. and had decided to visit the Hinata-sou for old time's sake…..

* * *

Naru and Motoko had finally recovered from what seems to be the most terrible poetry ever heard. They were back in their respective cells in their grey prison uniforms. Their vision was a little blurry, and it seemed that they had acquired a headache. After their vision had recovered both of them saw a tray with a glass of cold water and two pills in each of their cells.

"I got you some medication for that headache," Naomi said to them, while sitting on a bench outside the cells with one of the guards reading the newspaper and continued discussing the domestic and foreign politics of several countries, trying to point out positive and negative things in an objective way.

The two prisoners gratefully swallowed the pills, downing them with cold water.

"So Naomi," Naru finally began to ask a few minutes after her head had cleared, "What's Keitaro's newest 'scheme'?"

"Nothing in particular," said Naomi indifferently, "He's just trying to plug you into his newest Hate Ray ™ ray gun and unleash it on Molmol from the Hinata-sou to demonstrate his power. I seriously think he's just doing it 'cos he's got some kind of sick grudge against the people of Molmol for spawning Kaolla Su. Kinda pathetic if you ask me."

"How can you act so indifferently when Urashima is doing something fiendish?" Motoko asked her. "And by the way, where's Mariam?" Motoko's eyes hardened as she uttered that name.

"She's training her kendo skills in the combat room as usual, teaching a few enthusiasts how to handle various swords. She's also skilled in wielding bladed weapons from all around the world. Did you know that she managed to disarm a guy wielding a katana with a rapier without taking any damage? Did I mention the incident with the cutlass or that with the scimitar? I loved how she took out the guy wielding a first-class razor-sharp katana with a medieval long sword."

Motoko growled as she heard what that heretic clone of hers was doing to the name of the Shinmei school. Using **her** techniques with non-Japanese blades was completely anathema to her. Mariam had in vain tried to discuss with her the advantages of training with various swords, but Motoko had angrily retorted by accusing her of thinking like a goddamn gaijin. Mariam had responded by calling her a feudal age bitch who wanted the old ways of upper class people oppressing ordinary people back then to return.

"The Tokyo University has been rebuilt by the way, Naru." Naomi said, "If you somehow manage to escape (which I seriously doubt) I think you can manage those entry exams and become a student of that place."

"Why haven't you attended Toudai then?" Naru asked her clone.

Naomi began to laugh at the question and she said, "I may be a clone of you, Naru, but I'm not obsessed with the Tokyo U like you, Mutsumi and Keitaro (before his transformation) were. And unlike you I never destroyed my eyes by studying day and night non-stop like a machine. In contrast to you I like to enjoy my life as your average day normal woman, and not studying like a _BLEEPING_ intellectual."

Naru was now reminded why she deeply inside despised Naomi. That was because Naomi due to philosophical and ethical reasons didn't like to work day and night for the perfect scores and become a high-ranking student. Naomi was her antithesis in many ways but also similar to her in others. Naru had been a fighter struggling fervently to reach the rank of one of the best students in the country, sacrificing her good sight for it. And Naomi had so callously thrown that remark about the price she paid for it like it was just a big joke.

A lot of sentences involving much swearing erupted from Naru's cell as she tried to break through the barred doors and strangle Naomi.

Naomi chuckled. She knew how to get a rise from Naru now and then. It was just something to kill time.

The guards sighed and put on their earplugs to block out the racket.

* * *

Well, here's the stuff you wanted," Kanako said as she placed the two small flasks containing the untested Japanese version of the Giant-Man formula on the infirmary table.

"Seriously, Kanako, I think you're in need of a well-earned vacation," commented Keitaro in an advising tone. "You have to let your arm and injuries heal."

Kanako's left arm was bandaged while other bandages covered other injuries.

"I agree with you, brother. I really need to take some time off for a while, definitely." she responded.

Then one of the doors leading to the infirmary opened, and in stepped an almost identical copy of Keitaro. The main difference between the two was that the copy resembled the old dumb, incredibly dense but lovable Keitaro, and the fact that the original had been turned into a super-villain. The clone was also wearing Keitaro's old clothes from back then.

"This is 'Keith', a clone created from old tissue and blood samples taken before my 'rebirth'." The Ronin said. "He will take care of you while you are recovering and be your consort."

"How do you do," Keith said to Kanako with a polite nod.

"Since he's only clone of me and wasn't raised with you as a sibling, I think that you can marry him without having most people scream about incest (even though we are in fact stepsiblings).

"Must you always mention that I'm a clone?" Keith said dryly to Keitaro. "I do in fact have feelings you know."

"Sorry." Keitaro apologized.

"Let's cut to the chase: I was made to be Kanako's personal servant but fortunately not as her sex slave (so don't try anything kinky with or I will leave). I have my own will and personality based loosely on Keitaro's old mind patterns, but was allowed to develop partly my own personality and quirks. I also possess the same "invulnerability" as Keitaro."

"You're not exactly what I expected, but you'll do at least." Kanako sighed.

(Leave to my brother turned super-villain to make clones that have rather strange personalities that would make most normal people quiver if they met them.)

"Where to then, O Mistress of Disguises and Hand to Hand Combat," Keith said jokingly to Kanako.

"I would have called myself Lady Deathstrike, hadn't that name already been taken by Yuriko Oyama, and I have also not decided yet where we're going," Kanako informed him.

"What about Viper?"

"That's also taken."

"You could use Black Mamba." Keith suggested.

"I like the sound of that." The Ronin said, "What do you think, Kanako?"

"Might as well take it." Kanako shrugged.

"By the way, I have a suggestion for travelling locations that may suit your taste."

"Spit it out, Keith."

"Wien (or Vienna as it is called in English) seems like a nice place to visit, don't you think? We could try Prague instead if you're not interested."

Kanako smiled faintly.

"No, Vienna seems nice enough, Keith. Let's go."

* * *

Okinawa:

"So you are telling me that this young woman is actually suffering from anaemia?"

"Yes, doctor." the punk answered in English.

One of the doctors in the military compound had arrived to see if there were anyone in need of his "assistance". He had also thought that the clown mask the punk had painted on Mutsumi's was incredibly funny and artistic (even praising the punk's painting skills). He was old and had white hair and a trimmed white beard. And he wore a lab coat over his normal clothes.

"Then she is in luck. For I have invented the first real cure in combating this sickness!"

The people looked at the doctor puzzled as he shouted for his assistants. "Masayuki! Kimiaki! **Come!**"

Haitani and Shirai wearing lab coats came through one of the closet doors in the room where Mutsumi lay.

"Yes, doc?" both of them answered.

"Take this woman to the underground lab under the infirmary."

"Okay." they said and picked up the unconscious anaemic Okinawan and disappeared into the closet.

After an ugly incident in Tokyo involving the pestering of a young girl near an exclusive cafe who was the daughter of an affluent Yakuza crime lord, and said father wanting to "hurt" them for bothering his little girl, the two decided that hiding somewhere was the **wisest** thing to do. After getting to Okinawa, they bumped into this old man working in one of the American bases as a doctor while he was reading a book about science in a book store.

Luckily the doctor who was formerly a renowned mad scientist in the 70's was in need of two assistants. The underground laboratory under the American military base was one of the safest places they could find.

One of his greatest inventions was the Magical Girl B Gone spray that was banned by the Geneva Convention after the Senshi massacre in 1995 where magical girls dropped dead like flies after being sprayed with the vile contents of the spray cans, saving people from another stupid utopia where magical girls would rule the world and wear ghastly costumes that would make most people go blind in sheer horror.

The doctor turned to the others. "If you would be so kind and accompany me, I will show you this revolutionized cure that will probably be used in the future. And please do bring the cameras with you to prove that my assistants aren't doing anything lecherous against my patient."

After he also had disappeared into the closet, the artistic punk was the first who actually had the willpower to enter the secret entrance to this old man. And after a while the rest of the people stepped inside it. They discovered that the closet was some kind of high-speed elevator leading to an underground complex that looked like something taken out of a film with mad scientists.

The young man who knew Mutsumi really thought this was getting out of hand, but didn't say it to the others.

On a medical table lay Mutsumi surrounded by Haitani, Shirai and the doctor and a lot of medical instruments and wicked looking instruments that looked very uncomfortable.

"Is this a really good idea, doc?" Shirai asked the mad scientist.

"Certainly, Kimiaki, for this will be the most potent cure against anaemia." the mad scientist responded.

"I have a bad feeling about this," said Haitani nervously. "We've never done this before."

"Well, there's always a first time and to cure this young woman we must turn her into the worlds most sophisticated…..cyborg….."

_Very evil music is played in the background as the scientist begins to laugh like only a mad scientist can_

* * *

"Ara, What happened?" said Mutsumi as she awoke from her fainting spell, feeling the metallic surface of the medical table she lay on. Her body felt different, almost as if she somehow had become stronger. And that she had the feeling that someone had painted her face with something.

"I have cured you of your anaemia, Ms. Otohime," said a man in English. "By equipping you with bionic limbs that make you stronger, faster and more endurable and reinforcing your body with various cybernetic enhancements that neutralizes the problem with your blood, strengthening it beyond that of most men and giving you the resistance and endurance of a tank. Most of your internal organs are intact by the way."

She looked puzzled at the mad scientist and the rather pale-looking friends of Urashima-kun who had helped him with the various operations on her. The reactions of the five people were varied. The old man, the woman and the guy who knew Mutsumi looked rather green, while the punk and the teenage girl were training the cameras on Mutsumi, looking very intrigued and interested.

"Why are they grinning?" Shirai asked Haitani looking a little worried.

"Because it's not everyday you see someone turn a girl into a cyborg just to cure her of anaemia while she still looks like a clown." Haitani responded while thinking that if someone asked the two people holding the cameras what profession they would apply for: they would answer mad scientist.

The old guy was a nice person at heart, but also a wee too enthusiastic when it came to use his skills on someone.

Like the BFG (Bimbo Fragging Gun) 20 000 he made to blow up all big-breasted and scantily clad adversaries with too good to be true skills and too revealing clothes who usually bothered him every Monday afternoon when he was enjoying the Discovery Channel and drinking well-brewed coffee. He didn't have anything against them, but **no one **"bothered" him when he was watching documentaries.

It usually took a while for the two to collect all the body parts flung across the complex and sweeping the dust and ashes, even if they used advanced cleaning equipment. It still was fun when the doc let them borrow the BFG and let them take care of the problem at hand. Haitani had nailed 18, while Shirai had blasted 22, and Haitani was really itching to beat Shirai's score.

They still both hated cleaning up afterwards though.

The doctor said to Mutsumi, "Could you please hit that block of solid concrete to your left side? "

As she stood up from the table, Mutsumi did indeed see a block of concrete, lying a few metres from the medical table.

Normally Mutsumi would never have fulfilled such an absurd request like throwing a swing at a concrete block (which is very self-destructive and not to mention entirely stupid and hazardous to your hand), but since she felt rather different than before, almost as if someone had swapped bodies with her and a female wrestler….she did as she was told (or asked if you want a more detailed answer).

The block crumbled after Mutsumi literally punched a hole in the middle, the cracking sounds dissipating as quickly as they came.

"…….. " she said while looking very surprised while still to look as cheerful as before. Which she failed to do.

The doctor was grinning like a man who had demolished the house of his irritating neighbour using knowledge acquired from watching too much MacGyver and having too good imagination. "**Excellent! It worked!**" he laughed.

Haitani and Shirai sighed in bitter defeat, knowing that their employer was a loon with too much intelligence and too many gadgets and the fact that this was not the first time he had done something incredibly insane.

* * *

After sending one distraught old man, one shocked woman, a very pale young man, a fascinated girl in her teens and a young punk who was equally intrigued back to the surface; Kimiaki and Haitani headed towards their living quarters to watch some of the unwatched porn movies they had acquired.

That was until the doc called for them.

"I want you to take Miss Otohime to Hinata to observe her interaction with other people after the treatment and prove that this is the "cure" against anaemia to the outside world."

"There is a minor problem, boss." Haitani said in a rather improved English (courtesy of watching a lot of American porn movies and watching the Discovery Channel). "a) We hit on the wrong girl a while back. b) Her dad's a Yakuza crime lord (which we discovered later). c) He literally wants our heads on a decorated silver platter made in Europe. d) We don't dare enter any area close to him. That sums up all the problems don't you say?"

"I wouldn't worry about that," the doctor informed them. "That guy was wasted by Punisher last Tuesday while looking for the Ronin. I didn't want to disturb you since you had so much fun watching all sorts of NC-17 stuff you downloaded using my super computer without my permission and making me rather angry with the fact that I had to handle over three-hundred viruses at the same time and that you still have to clean up a lot and fulfil your chores. Don't forget that you two signed a two-year contract with me."

Kimiaki kicked Haitani in the shin roughly. "I told you not too sign that _BLEEPING_ contract, but **no**, people never listen to the fat guy!"

"You're fat?"

Haitani was rewarded by a slap to the back of his head.

"I'm big-boned, you moron! It's not as if I ever goad you about being as thin as a beanstalk!"

It would have turned into a fight between friends hadn't the mad scientist interrupted them.

"ENOUGH!!!!!" bellowed the mad scientist. "I did not hire you two to act like stage comedians without any talent whatsoever but as my trusted minions! Now do as you are told or suffer the consequences!"

Haitani and Shirai felt compelled to obey that order. Very much in fact since their employer could be rather unpredictable when angered. While the doc was a nice guy, even his patience had limits. Once they were forced to scrub all the toilets in the base with worn toothbrushes after they had tried to make a machine that would make them irresistible to women and failing completely when a part of the lab blew up due to their total lack of experience.

Both of them grabbed a confused Mutsumi by her arms and dragged her out of the lab as fast as they could; but then they suddenly stopped for a short trip to the bathroom to remove the clown paint from Mutsumi's face.

* * *

The soldier on guard duty groaned.

(Not again!)

By the expressions of the Japanese civilians he figured that they had run into "that" doctor who had probably done something even more hare-brained than the last time he did something crazy.

He just hoped they didn't alert the press, but it was in fact that idiot's fault that the anaemic was brought here in the first place.

He then saw the two assistants of that "doctor" walking past him with the girl in tow.

(Nope, didn't see anything. It was just an optic illusion or the bad food I had. I did not see two guys dragging another person who's been experimented on out in the streets…..)

* * *

Meanwhile in Hinata under the Hinata-sou, inside what looked like an infirmary…..

Motoko and Naru were struggling feverishly against the bonds that restrained them.

The reason: Keitaro a.k.a. the Ronin was going to strap them to the newly created Hate Ray MK II ™ and use it on Momol, creating the greatest form of chaos ever known to anyone, making all women behave like Naru and Motoko on a very bad day by stimulating their brainwaves with the power of this awesome and terrifying device.

The things they were saying now to the two men in the infirmary were rather unflattering and vocally high.

"Jesus, doc!" the guard asked the other man. "Can't you make them shut up for a minute!"

"Well, I could inject some drugs that have a calming effect on them and making them easier to handle." The man in charge of the infirmary answered.

"Then do it," demanded the other man.

"Okay, Okay!" he said and prepared a syringe. "Luckily for me someone has put two small unmarked flasks containing something that looks like drugs used on too violent patients in an asylum."

After injecting the girls with the contents of both flasks, one flask for each of them, they seemed to calm down a bit. And the guard summoned another guard to help him move the girls strapped on the portable and wheeled medical tables to where the giant ray gun was. On the roof of the Hinata-sou.

* * *

Again Naru and Motoko were strapped to medical tables; but the difference was that several wires were attached to them, creating a link between them and the enormous ray gun placed on the roof of the Hinata-sou.

The Ronin was gazing at the city as his henchmen prepared his doomsday device, feeling that this day would be the day he would show the world his downright **evil** power and later become the ruler of the entire world.

"**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**"

His booming and **evil** laughter was heard from those living or venturing through the district where the inn lay.

The KAPPA agents simply shrugged. Their boss was a loon, but the pay was good and the minion casualty rate kept to a minimum. He didn't view them as cannon fodder at least.

"It is ready, Number One." One of them informed Keitaro, making him cease his diabolical laughter.

"Then let's go to Phase One of our plan: Destroy Molmol!"

* * *

Something inside Naru and Motoko stirred.

They felt different for some reason.

As if fate had gifted them with an inhuman power.

Powers that would help them escape and save Kaolla Su's country from destruction.

And making Keitaro pay for his insolence and despicable crimes against humanity.

Needless to say--they embraced that power …."

* * *

It was quite shocking for the Ronin and his current henchmen to see the two prisoners expand their size to epic proportions.

Seeing that the two would be too large for the roof, all of them jumped off the building in pure desperation.

All of them were lucky, not sustaining any serious or fatal injuries, even though it was a three-floor building they were jumping from. Most of them managed to grab various scenery to stop their descent. Some fell into the hot springs. Two however fell on Keitaro, making him cushion their fall.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!"

"Sorry, boss!" said one of them.

"You all right, Number One?"

"What the _BLEEPING_ _BLEEP_ do you think!!?" was the muffled response coming from the Ronin lying under them, feeling excruciating amounts of pain).

* * *

In a manner of seconds the entire Hinata-sou was but a ruin…and in its stead stood two fifty-feet high girls.

Keitaro's old granny who was currently in the Hinata-sou and unaware of the underground base under her property and what took place on her roof was unfortunately squished to a human pancake when Naru's giant right foot pierced the ceiling and landed on her.

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! My Hate Ray MK II ™ totally destroyed!!!"

"Boss, I think you should consider running," suggested one of his men, "since those girls look pretty much angry and they're looking in **our** direction."

"What's all this racket--and why is the inn destroyed!?" demanded Naomi as she appeared from one of the secret underground entrances in granny Hina's new flowerbed, accompanied by Mariam and Sarah.

"Holy _BLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_" was the exclaimed response from the youngest of the three as she saw the two enlarged young women (who had a habit for violence) scowling angrily at them.

"**URASHIMA**"

"**KEITARO**"

"EEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!" was the response coming from most of the people around the area…. Except most of the city perverts who drooled immensely at the sight.

"Well that's not something you see every day." Commented Mariam dryly. "The attack of the fifty foot woman times two on crack."

"And the fact that they're also half-naked since their clothes are almost ripped up." Naomi added. "I'm glad we gave them those 'almost' untearable versions of their usual clothes or most of the city would have the history of housing the two biggest flashers in the world."

"Boss! Boss!" the Ronin heard someone cry.

It was the leading doctor in the base infirmary who came running out of one of the other secret entrances.

"I think someone injected them with that Giant-Man formula which you **forgot** on the medicine table unmarked!!! I've told you several times not to leave dangerous chemicals around the infirmary!"

"Oops!" was the Ronin's embarrassed response.

"I suggest running." Sarah advised them.

Most of them followed that advice, running as fast as they could from the two towering (and not to mention mad as hell) Naru and Motoko hot on their heels…..

* * *

What will happen to Keitaro?

When will Haitani, Shirai and a cybernetically enhanced Mutsumi arrive on the scene?

Will Mecha-Cthulhu rise?

What was Sarah doing all the time while off-stage?

How will Shinobu and Kaolla react to the giant-sized Naru and Motoko?

Will the Punisher arrive on the scene and mow everyone down?

Is Seygram 13 one of the worst Love Hina fic writers out there?

Stay tuned for the next chapter of Urashima Keitaro and the ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO.

* * *

Could someone please come with a little bit flaming in their reviews? Please?!?

* * *

Kanako's code-name is actually a little reference to Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill films if you haven't noticed where the main character played by Uma Thurman was code-named Black Mamba.

And the BFG is a joke reference to one of the most powerful weapons in the old Doom games.

I also want to thank Andrew Joshua Talon for beta reading this chapter before I posted it.

I also want to thank Darkness Dweller Sephiroth for pointing out a typing error. Sarah MacDougal is actually Number Two in KAPPA. Sorry about that mistake.


	2. Hells Belles

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. I'm just being a downright mean guy who's using the characters for his own sick and twisted amusement. All Marvel-related stuff belongs to Marvel Comics. All songs mentioned in this fic belong to the bands/artists that made them. I don't own the Cthulhu Mythos. Stormbringer is the property and creation of Michael Moorcock. I also don't own BattleTech or MechWarrior.

* * *

"Fanfictiondom is threatened!" a man was saying to another. "The renegade fic-writer….**lives**."

"Who?"

"Seygram 13 is still alive and typing, sir."

"What? Why was I not informed earlier, you dolt!"

"We didn't know he was still alive until now."

"That fiend! How dare he crawl up from that hole where he was buried!" the other man bellowed. "He must be found and destroyed!!"

"Aye!" another man said.

"He must not be allowed to post another fic again!" Bellowed another.

The reason for this extreme reaction from these people was that Seygram 13 had an irritating tendency to write fics that didn't actually seem right for some reason. Like his Love Hina fics that always seemed to get out of control in both plot and sheer idiocy. He was also a former AD&D 2nd edition player who had issues with generally most elves and was somewhat prejudiced against them.

The reason?

Well…. as most roleplayers know, elves are one of the most played races in RPGs and are actually the preferred choice for powergamers and munchkins generally. Why play a human, halfling, gnome, dwarf and so on when you can play an elf with high stats wielding something that looks like an oriental blade and using rhetoric skills to convince the DM that the so-called "superior" elves have in fact made swords that have the same statistics as a katana but calling it something else. Another example is a player playing a drow who still retains magic resistance even though he/she hasn't been in contact with the Underdark for a very long time.

Don't you DMs hate players who have better debate skills and force you into accepting their demands?

The ravings of these characters took place in a very dark room surrounded by candles. All were seated around a very luxurious table and were taking the news very badly.

They thought they were rid of him.

They were **wrong**.

He was in fact very much alive and was probably typing/writing another work of total blasphemy in their eyes.

"Why not send the ultra ninja drow fighter-mage commandos to eliminate him?" one of them inquired.

"We did that a long time ago…and he slaughtered them using that hellblade of his and downright deliberate cowardly tactics by causing most of them to slaughter one another to prove who was the most powerful and coolest and then killing the remaining survivors afterwards in a grisly manner."

"The elves imitating Battousai from Ruroni Kenshin, using ultra vorpal katanas?"

"Dead."

"The powerful elven martial artists who can hurl energy blasts and perform inhuman displays of combat?"

"Also dead."

"The Jedi elves that surpass all the other races in the galaxy when it comes to being attuned to the Force?"

"All turned to the dark side and were later wiped out by a freak accident with a Sith artifact made a long, long time ago by Darth Pervertus a.k.a. Happosai (of Ranma ½ who got sucked into a Star Wars crossover after trying to use the Nanban mirror to go back in time and steal Marilyn Monroe's underwear and ended up there by accident ,and then dethroned the former Sith Lord, becoming the new Master of the Sith) that would steal all the panties and bras of the galaxy when it overloaded and exploded."

"HOW _BLEEPING _HARD CAN IT BE TO GET RID OF THIS VERMIN!!!!!!!" the leader shrieked furiously.

* * *

Seygram 13 was a coward pure and simple.

So cowardly that he would use a lot of dirty tricks to stay alive.

"Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!"

"Where?!" the really naive adversary said while turning around.

Seygram13 then hit him in the head with a heavy wooden chair, knocking him out and sending him sprawling on the floor

This little scene took place in a restaurant. The fic-writer just having eaten a decent meal and having just paid the waiter and given a little tip, was confronted by someone looking like had come from an anime convention who claimed that he was the greatest threat to fanfiction in the world and had to be stopped before any greater damage could be inflicted.

Being in a good mood now, he decided not to rob the unconscious person and instead calmly walked out the door and into the streets.

An angry roar came from the restaurant. The owner was furious over that the chair (which had in fact been somewhat expensive) was damaged and swearing like there was no tomorrow.

(Uh-oh, time to run.)

Which he did.

The unconscious young man when waking up was forced to pay for the damaged chair which had been used to bludgeon him from behind, making him very angry and filled with thoughts of vengeance.

* * *

Seygram13 felt that those people who made up the cliché about hiding in trash cans and containers should really have been lobotomized with an extremely dull and not mention rusty spoon. He suppressed the growing urge to throw up while the stench of decomposing leftovers of foodstuff tried to enter his nostrils and strangle him.

Hiding in a trash container from vengeful elves who pounced on him a few blocks from here, he felt rather stupid now for stereotypically hiding in the most likely place a guy would hide. He was lucky he landed on a spot with only inorganic junk and not on a pile of rotten food. Stormbringer, which was strapped to his side, crooned softly.

Elric of Melniboné he was not. So he was realistic enough to know that sooner or later the runesword would imbed itself in his flesh and suck his soul out faster than one would suck up an insect in the living room with a vacuum cleaner.

Luckily for him the elves thought that it was too obvious and stupid that he would be hiding in a trash container, so they walked past him, totally unaware that he was dumb enough to hide there.

"You're certainly in a good mood today," the author said to the black sword.

"That's because it's been a long time since I've feasted on so many souls in one day," Stormbringer explained to him.

He remembered now that he had in fact slaughtered a few of the ambushing long-eared freaks, cutting off limbs, severing heads from the necks, running them through, using a little bit of his rusty Karate skills to knock some of them down before running off like the coward he was. Like Elric the sword empowered him by strengthening him slightly for every soul it took, increasing his chances of survival.

He was basically a normal 20-year-old-guy wearing glasses and wielding a howling hellsword that drank the souls of those it killed and a rotten fic-writer to boot as well who also made some grammatical errors.

He didn't actually hate all elves (even if he was a self-righteous bastard). He just hated the munchkin ones mostly.

Now was the time to unleash the second chapter of his diabolical fic.

* * *

Seygram 13 presents: Urashima Keitaro and **THE ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO**

_Rated VB (Very Bad)_

_Flamings are welcome_

Chapter 2: Hell's Belles

* * *

There are many times one would think that the entire world is against you.

It could certainly be said of Keitaro Urashima when he became the manager of a former inn that was later converted to a dormitory for girls. Through many hardships and extremely infuriating episodes of immense violence and stress…. He finally managed to get into Toudai and get the girl in the end.

But that is another story in another world.

In this reality a freak accident turned Keitaro into a fiendish super-villain with great, great ambitions.

When we last saw him, he was currently running for his life (accompanied by Sarah "Number Two" MacDougal, some of his henchmen, and Mariam and Naomi who were the clones of Naru and Motoko) from two giant-sized female beings who seemed furious for reasons read in earlier fics and the first chapter.

"GET BACK HERE, KEITARO!!!" Naru's voice rumbled through the air as the earth almost shook with each step she took towards her prey.

Sarah looked worried at her mentor, "This can't be good."

"You're telling me!" huffed Naomi as she ran with them.

"We could sure use some mechas now, eh, Keitaro?" Mariam said sardonically.

"Why on Earth should I waste resources on building some giant robot with a cheesy name when I can use it to build even more interesting doomsday devices that could even shrink the Eiffel tower?!"

"Don't give me that, Ronin. I saw you using a limited amount of resources to build that Mech resembling one of those Mechwarrior mechs based on that BattleTech game. The Raven mech wasn't it?"

"Actually I was trying to build a Mad Cat (Timber Wolf)," the Ronin admitted, "but since I couldn't waste so much money on private matters, I had to make do with making a replicate of the Inner Sphere's Raven which is practically a recon and support mech."

"Do you think it'll be able to stop those two?" Naomi asked.

"I really don't know."

"We've got nothing to lose by trying it." Sarah suggested.

"Seems that way." Keitaro activated the jet-thrusters of his rollerblades and raced towards the giant Naru. Naru tried fervently to catch him with her giant hands, but he simply evaded her through sheer speed as he passed between her legs. Motoko tried to stop him by placing a foot in his way, but he simply jumped over it and fired a salvo of micro-missiles at her face which she blocked with her right hand.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, URASHIMA!" he heard her growl as he travelled towards the ruined remains of the Hinata-sou.

(When I'm through with you, Motoko-chan, you'll beg for mercy.)

Accessing one of the many secret entrances to the secret hideout under the totalled inn/dormitory, Keitaro finally made it to the weapon storage facility where his newly constructed Mech was stored…..

* * *

K.A.P.P.A. HQ Syria; Under the Krak des Chevaliers:

"What do you mean with the situation in Hinata is out of control?" Number Three asked one of the many technicians operating the vast communication and surveillance systems which were currently under "Condition Red" while displaying the destruction of the Hinata base and their employer being chased by two giant (and inadequate clad) girls who possessed a severe inability to control their temper..

"Ye Gods," Number Three sighed, "Our great and illustrious leader has done it again."

He was answered with a lot of groans from around the base.

"It looks like he's trying to use that machine inspired by the Battletech game," a technician said as one of the screens began to show the Ronin accessing his BattleMech.

"Are the Mecha-Tamas still undergoing repairs after that battle with those mecha-operating morons who interrupted our operation in Saigon?"

"Yes, sir," answered one of them, " So far we have only managed to repair about 48 of the damage sustained on all of them put together. Therefore deploying them now would surely sign the death warrant of one of our most effective and reliable weapons."

"He's on his own then." Number Three simply said.

"His funeral then, Number Three." Replied another technician.

"Pass me the popcorn and the beer." Asked another while enjoying what seemed to be the most outrageous battle ever on the entire planet.

* * *

"Croak."

"Yes I'm sure I know what I'm doing, Leonard!" said Hannibal to his older brother. "In order to preserve our sacred cult--we must overthrow our father and set up someone as a figurehead."

"Croak?" Leonard asked.

"Why we must operate from the shadows? That's actually very simple. By setting up someone we can control as leader we can lead the entire cult without risking our hides in the process."

"Croak?"

"Who did I have in mind? Well as a matter of fact I have found the perfect candidate for our sinister scheme."

On a very evil-looking altar lay the unconscious form of Mitsune Konno, who was also known to friends as "Kitsune".

It hadn't been easy for Hannibal to bust her out of jail, but he had after several frustrating hours of intensive planning he decided to use a simple teleportation spell to spirit away the sedated young woman from her padded cell. Kitsune had been put under sedation after the "giant sake bottle" incident where she tried to inflict grievous bodily harm upon Haruka Urashima (her former cellmate) when she under a hallucinogenic haze (placed by an insane prison doctor in her food) mistook the older woman for a giant bottle of sake and in a frenzy of extreme proportions tried to remove the cork with her bare hands.

Haruka was fortunately recovering physically and mentally from this horrible ordeal. But somehow she had acquired a phobia for sake, and when anyone said the word, she would freak out.

Kitsune was wearing a red silk top and a girdled knee-length silk skirt which was also red. On her feet she wore a pair of ordinary and sturdy sandals. She also had a sheathed (and very sharp) ceremonial dagger strapped to her girdle and she was also wearing a beautiful golden necklace with a ruby in the middle.

"Behold our new high priestess!!" proclaimed Hannibal melodramatically to his older brother. Leonard swore he was hearing someone play sinister music in the background as Hannibal said that.

He then turned to his brother. "Croak?"

"What was the spell I used? Well… I used that teleportation spell I snatched from mom's Necronomicon." he admitted sheepishly.

"Croak!" Leonard exclaimed, pronouncing it like we say "Oh, Shit!".

"What?!"

"Croak." Leonard explained to him.

"You mean that spell's defective?!" Hannibal said as he was turning as white as a sheet. "What exactly does it do?!?"

Unnoticed by the two brothers, Kitsune began to stir and opened her eyes.

"Will you two just shut up." she complained clearly to them as she sat up while rubbing her forehead.

"Croak." Leonard told his little brother.

"You mean this spell also assimilates a person's personality (if the person's a she) with that of the great Shub-Niggurath?!?!....MY GOD WHAT IN ALL THAT'S ETERNAL HAVE I DONE!!!!!!!!!"

"You really _BLEEPED_ up, that's for sure." Shub-Niggurath/Kitsune told him.

"O great Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young let me- URK!" Leonard didn't get to finish as Kitsune's hands were around his throat and squeezing very hard. And her angry eyes were completely black as she glared at him.

"I would **cross out** "Goat" and replace it with Fox or Vixen if I were you," she growled at him, and then suddenly released her grip and sat down on the stone altar.

"Forgive me for insulting you, O great Black Fox of the Woods with a Thousand Young."

"That's better," she said with a fox-like smile, her eyes returning to her normal eye-colour. "Now could you two gentlemen please tell me what this is this all about?"

"Croak." Leonard answered.

"Aha. So you tried a simple teleportation spell and then by freak accident got me stuck in this (not too shabby) body to overthrow your father and set her/me up as a figurehead."

"That sums up the basic parts of the plan, O Great and Eternal One." answered Hannibal while also filled with awe and fear of the thing inhabiting the body of Kitsune.

"Now your first punishment would be to bring me sake--lots of it!"

"As you command!"

"Croak!"

Both brothers began to chant in an alien language, their eyes turning into black orbs as the spell they worked on was beginning to work. Suddenly a bright and evil-looking burst of green eldritch energy was released in front of them. Several crates of expensive sake materialized in front of them.

"All right!" exclaimed the Great Old One while flashing a fox-like smile at the two. "You don't know how terrible it is to be without sake for days without end."

"Croak."

"Yes, Leonard, it seems that the minds of those two will be intertwined for all eternity. Let's hope that awful amount of sake will make her ungodly libido forget that she is worshipped as a goddess of fertility and simply ignore us like a human (without a bug phobia) ignores a simple insect."

They watched as the woman in front of them began to indulge herself in the delights of drinking alcoholic beverage. She also managed to find a few rare wines, whisky, brandy and some cans of beer.

"How in the world can someone consume so much alcohol and spirits?"

"Croak."

Hannibal slapped himself. "Now I remember: she's been assimilated with a Great Old One….."

"Croak," added Leonard.

"……and I'm to blame." he said, repeating his brother's answer.

After a while, Kitsune had downed the entire supply of booze in the dark room.

"That really hit the spot," she sighed with a content smile.

"O glorious Shub-Niggurath, let me correct the grave error I have made." Hannibal said to her in a melodramatic manner as he went on his knees in front of her.

"By letting me use your **virgin** body to fulfil my inhuman sexual desires?"

"No, by exorcizing you from this body and spirit which taints and defiles you. And please don't mock me (or my brother for that matter) for being a male virgin ."

"Doesn't taint and defile mean the same thing? It's really a contradiction if you use two words which mean approximately the same thing in principle," she amusedly corrected him.

She then made a small twirl, her red silk skirt making a swishing sound. "This body isn't so bad." she said. "In fact I'm beginning to like it."

(This is not good.) shuddered Hannibal.

"You know?" she then said turning to Leonard.

"Croak?"

"Gimme some sugar."

"Croak!!!" Leonard exclaimed as is eyes bulged with sheer terror. He became more terrified when the entity inhabiting the body of that girl then began to seductively walk towards him.

"Croak!!!!!!!!!!"

He made a run for it, screaming in fear of the thing wanting to de-virginize him in a most tasteless manner.

He didn't get far as dark tentacles erupted from the ground under him, slithering around him body and grasping him with ease. He struggled with all his might, flailing his limbs in pure desperation against the things holding him in place against his will.

"Naughty, naughty," Shub-Kitsune chided him as she walked up in front of him, cupping his right chin with her left hand. "You will learn to enjoy this."

Leonard began to croak out for help as it seemed that all was lost and he would be used to pleasure the cosmic being holding him as captive.

Suddenly he remembered the enigmatic item given to him by his grandfather (on his father's side), the great and totally mad necromancer named ironically Stanley the Terrible. Not terrible for being a vicious spellcaster with an almost unlimited arsenal of magic and that he sacrificed anything he got his hands on (even furniture and buildings), but because he thought he was a great poet and once he published his first collection of poems, he caused even more damage than he had ever done before in a lifetime. He told him to use it only in dire circumstances. And this certainly was one.

He stuck his right hand into the front of his jeans, hands frantically fumbling for the object concealed in his underwear. His scaly finger felt the cold touch it and firmly grasped it.

And out came the Elder Sign given to him.

Kitsune screamed as the object was held in front of her face, and the tentacles dissolved as if they hadn't existed at all. Pain was etched upon her features as Leonard croaked something that would be interpreted by us as: "Back! Back! You sex-crazed Fiend! Stay Back, You Slut!! Back I Say! Back!!!!!!!!"

Kitsune looked peeved as she now couldn't touch him now when he was waving that ghastly thing in front of him.

She turned to Hannibal.

Hannibal responded by bringing out his own one.

"Spoilsports," she snorted.

* * *

"Shinobu?"

"Yes?" Shinobu said to Kaolla Su.

"Look."

She pointed towards something which lay near the area where the Hinata-sou lay. Shinobu was shocked by the sight of a giant-sized Naru and Motoko running amuck in the city. She also heard them scream Keitaro's name.

* * *

"Holy macaroni!" exclaimed Haitani as he stepped out of the taxi they had rented after exiting the train station.

"Are my eyes deceiving me or am I seeing two giant Japanese versions of the 50-Foot Woman strangely resembling Naru and Motoko?" said Shirai.

Even Mutsumi who was now turned into something that would put the Six Million Dollar Man to shame was blinking in astonishment.

* * *

(Time to rock and roll!) Was the thought Keitaro had as he put on his headset and began pressing switches and buttons in the cockpit.

The fusion reactor began to hum as the BattleMech powered up.

Since he had forgotten how to open the secret hangar doors--he did it the simple way by alpha striking his way out of the hangar. The lasers and missiles tore through the metal doors as if they were built of paper and blowing them to pieces.

* * *

Naru and Motoko weren't surprised as an 11-metre-tall mech exited the hidden KAPPA base and was heading in their direction.

"DON'T THINK THAT'S GOING TO SAVE YOU!!!" Naru bellowed furiously, having a hunch of who was piloting it.

"Temper, temper, Narusegawa." came from an internal speaker housed in it. "Even if the two of you are taller than me, I've got this baby equipped with missile launchers and lasers. So I'm asking myself: Do you feel lucky, punk?!"

(Damn!) Motoko swore to herself. (If only I could get my hands on a sword, I could turn the tide in our favour.)

Both she and Naru knew that it would be suicide to take on Keitaro while he controlled that thing.

True they were bigger than him, but the notion of getting fried by laser cannons and blown to bits by missiles kept them from pouncing on him like a pack of rabid dogs attacking the paper boy who threw a newspaper through the closed window, breaking it, and making the owner of the house so mad that he sicced his doggies at him after he opened their cages.

Motoko using her skills as a trained warrior made a quick glance towards a large building she had seen earlier while running after the Ronin. The large sign saying Mecha Convention gave her a sliver of hope.

"NARU, I NEED YOU TO DISTRACT URASHIMA WHILE I TRY TO FETCH ANYTHING THAT CAN TIP THE SCALES IN OUR FAVOUR."

"WHAT?!"

"JUST DO IT!"

"OKAY," Naru glumly said, hoping that Motoko knew what she was doing. Grabbing an empty car abandoned by the panicked driver after seeing them, she flung it at the mech, sending it crashing on the ground.

"**That's it! Now I'm really mad!!**" roared Keitaro after the Raven raised itself and unleashes a severe barrage of Short Range Missiles at Naru.

"EEP!" was Naru's response as she was now forced to dodge all this.

Using all her skill she managed to avoid getting hit by most of them, but suddenly a missile was heading directly for her chest. Naru instinctively brought up her hands in front of her to shield herself, and the missile exploded as it impacted against her. Naru felt a searing pain, but it quickly dissipated; and as she opened her eyes she marvelled she was in fact alive and breathing. Her arms and hands were a little singed though.

(C'mon, Motoko! I'm getting blasted here!)

"It seems that you also have some resistance against damage due to your increased size, Narusegawa. Care to test a few more missiles?" Keitaro said, smirking in his cockpit. If Naru knew how powerful she really was, he would be dead now. He knew that there was a chance that he would be unable to match them in his Raven.

* * *

"Wow, this mecha convention is really something." Takae said to his best friend Shigeo.

"Yes," Shigeo replied, "It's really cool that someone actually managed to make a fifty-foot replica of our favourite mecha equipped with a giant katana."

"How on Earth did they manage to make one?"

"A lot of fans managed to convince people skilled in swordmaking who are also fans of the show to work together to make a giant, real, durable and razor-sharp one for the model."

"The other thing that's bugging is: how did they manage to pay for all that?"

"They got some sponsors from the company owning the rights to the show to partly fund them. They hope that it will attract enough people and give them good publicity.

The sight was really awesome.

A giant replica made by eager fans.

All details intact.

Even equipped with a giant black belt holding a sheathed katana.

Too bad a fifty-foot raven-haired practitioner in kendo wearing partly torn clothes crashed through the southern wall.

"SORRY ABOUT THAT!" she simply said, ripping the belt from the giant model--sending it crashing on the floor, damaging it beyond repair.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!**"

Motoko Aoyama winced as the mecha fans cried out in outrage and despair. She quickly strapped on the belt and ran back to where Naru fought Keitaro…..

"Heretic!"

"Heathen!"

"Blasphemer!"

"That's not something you see every day. Eh, Takae."

"Yep."

* * *

Naru had lobbed three Toyotas, four Hondas and seven Hyundai cars at him.

He managed to blast all of them to smithereens before they even reached him with his SRM launchers and his lasers.

"Is that the best you can do?" was his haughty reply.

"NO, THIS IS!" he heard a familiar voice shout behind him. "HIKEN **ZANKUSEN**!!!!!"

A familiar vibro blast, courtesy of Motoko was heading towards him.

"_BLEEP!!!_" he exclaimed as he activated his jump-jets, narrowly dodging Motoko's attack as it crashed into the building adjacent to him and reducing it to a pile of rubble.

(That was close!)

Now in front of him stood Motoko Aoyama the swordswoman, holding a giant katana.

(I'm dead!) the Ronin thought as his eyes were staring in shock at what he saw now as the Raven landed on the ground.

His mech turned and ran.

"HIKEN ZANKUSEN!"

Using a secret technique from the Shinmei school, Motoko was capable of affecting the air around her with a slashing technique, creating a powerful air blast that could decimate boulders.

Keitaro in the past had experienced what it was like to be on the receiving end of a Zankusen, Zaganken, and many more horrifying techniques. And he did not want to experience them again. Especially now that she was bigger and stronger than ever before.

On his heels were Naru and Motoko.

His CD-player started playing Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run.

(Kinda Ironic.)

He turned the upper torso of the mech in the direction of his pursuers while still travelling in the direction he was headed and unleashed a salvo of missiles and a few bursts of laser fire at his pursuers.

Motoko gracefully cut the missiles in mid-air before reaching them, even deflecting the laser blasts with the flat end of her new blade and responded with another blast of her own.

"Oh, brother…" he muttered as he re-adjusted the Ravens upper torso to its original position."This is definitely not my day."

An air blast struck the backside of the mech as he ran, almost making it stumble and fall, but Keitaro managed to maintain balance and kept on fleeing.

"Need some help?" he heard a familiar voice say to him through his com-system. His advanced sensors were suddenly reacting to another mech being powering up to 400 metres in front of him.

From behind a building appeared another mech. It was a bit larger than Keitaro's and carried a heavy autocannon on its right shoulder, and it even had arms

"Sarah?!"

"Yep," Sarah MacDougal replied as she made her Hunchback move. "Looks like you're in need of some heavy assistance. Well, here comes the cavalry."

"You were busy building a Hunchback all the time?"

"You're not the only Mechwarrior or Mechcommander fan out there." Sarah pointed out. "And it took me a lot of time to buy the materials and build it."

"Wouldn't a Mad Cat been a better choice?"

"Well excuuuuse me for not being the stereotypical Mechwarrior newbie who wants to pilot the Mad Cat 'cause it's the most well-known of the Omnimechs. I like the Hunchback and that's final."

She turned to Naru and Motoko, "Prepare to get horribly trashed, you meddling do-gooders!"

"I wouldn't categorize Naru and Motoko as heroes, Sarah. They're too violent and unreliable for that." Keitaro answered.

"You're right," Sarah smiled, "but that's not going to stop me from blowing the _BLEEP_ out of 'em though."

"You're an adorable little she-devil, you know that."

"As adorable as Su's screwed up in her mind, boss. Let's just concentrate on blasting the girls to oblivion than discuss technicalities."

"Okay."

Keitaro's mech also turned to Naru and Motoko.

"You think we can handle 'em?"

"It's not as if we're fighting Godzilla and Gamera or whatever its name is."

Suddenly their sensors went completely wild. Something big was heading in their direction, slowly and steadily.

"What the _BLEEP_!" both exclaimed.

Even Naru and Motoko could hear something strange approaching and were as confused as they were.

Keitaro began utilizing all the technical equipment on his Raven and he paled as he registered the information given to him.

"Is it a mecha-moron?" Sarah asked.

"No."

"Godzilla?"

"Even worse!"

Appearing a few streets away was a giant Atlas assault mech. And the voice they heard through their com-systems made them shudder in fear.

"Now I've found you! I've been looking all over Japan for **you**."

The voice of Frank Castle…..alias **the Punisher**.

The knowledge of this grim vigilante piloting this grim and large 100-ton mech with an intentionally skull-like head, worsened the fear they had for him. It was even frickin' bigger than Naru and Motoko.

"**IT'S THE PUNISHEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**" Sarah and Keitaro both screamed in utter fear…….

* * *

"Well this is terrible," Mariam said.

"You better believe it." came from Naomi as she contemplated what to do.

"Shouldn't we be helping them?"

"Probably, Mariam, but what in the world can we do?"

"Call the Fantastic Four and hope that they'll be so busy that all of us can slip away?"

"Hmmmm…no. It's too risky."

"Better to be arrested than smashed to a pulp."

They were standing next to an abandoned car exhibition show where famous cars from various movies and TV series were parked.

Most of the people had fled in panic as they saw the BattleMechs and the two giant girls on the streets.

"Well for starters we better get some transportation and then I'll come up with something."

(Oh, no!) Mariam thought. (If I know Naomi she'll probably pick that particular car!)

Naomi smiled and in her most melodramatic tone said: "Quickly! To the **Batmobile!**"

Mariam sighed as she smacked her forehead. (Naomi and her interest in old TV-shows from the 60s.)

"This is not good!" she muttered.

* * *

_Insert spinning Bat Logo Here………._

* * *

Shinobu and Su had run to the old inn as fast as they could.

All they found was a big ruin that seemed to have been trashed by Godzilla while recovering from a nasty hangover after consuming too much radioactive material.

Both were shocked at what their eyes beheld.

The Hinata-sou had been like their second home.

A home far away from home.

All the happy memories around that place raced through their minds.

A wave of depression struck them both. Even the-almost-always-cheerful Kaolla Su became silent in shock.

"What the heck happened here?!?" A somewhat well-known voice uttered behind them. It belonged to Kimiaki Shirai.

The two turned around and saw Haitani and Shirai…..and Mutsumi.

"Wow," Haitani said as he observed the obliterated dorm, "someone really trashed this place up good. Musta been Naru Narusegawa and Motoko Aoyama since they were coming from that direction."

"Probably overreacted as usual." Shirai said.

"I think they're close to the centre of town," Mutsumi informed them, trying to be cheerful as usual.

"I think I'll call the Doc." Haitani said as he reached for the mobile phone that he put in the inner pocket of his jacket. He dialled the number of the mad scientist and increased the volume so the others could hear what the old man said.

"Masayuki!" the doctor said excitedly as a child lighting a pile of matches on the wooden floor in the living room, "I've been monitoring what's been going around in Hinata and I think it's the biggest free for all in the century!"

"What?!"

"Well we got two fifty-foot, super-strong girls and three mechs that resemble those from Battletech, plus the fact that the Punisher is piloting one of them and going for the kill. I think your friend is seriously screwed…"

Shinobu turned as white as a sheet as she heard the mad scientist's remark in English. "We've got to help Sempai!"

They heard a sound from the nearest bush. Out of the bush stepped the agent monitoring Kaolla Su.

…And he was blasted by Shirai with the BFG 20,000 he had borrowed and sent twitching to the ground. Luckily he was still alive, but his consciousness was now in la-la land.

"Oops!" Shirai said.

"Must you always be so trigger-happy with that thing?!"

"It's not my fault Haitani! My nerves have been on an edge after those surviving magical girls swore revenge after we drove 'em off and zapped most of 'em to piles of dust."

It had been a while before when a pack of magical girls tried to take out their employer when they somehow managed to teleport into the underground lab. Luckily the place was packed with alarms and sensors and the two had quickly dispatched them using the BFGs given to them. Two or three managed to escape with their lives and swore vengeance against the minions of darkness…namely them.

Luckily they knew the signs that exposed most magical girls while in civilian clothes.

**a) They were too cute for comfort.**

**b) They were accompanied by too cute and unusual animals.**

**c) They were peeking or spying at them around corners and such.**

They had also learned to identify the big-breasted scantily clad adversaries by appearance, manner and such and kept special grenades that created energy fields that made most silicon unstable--and explode in a thirty-foot radius for special occasions.

"You think they followed us here? To Hinata?"

"Didn't you see those over cute girls following us?!"

"Uh-oh!" he said as four stupidly dressed girls appeared in a bright flash of light before them.

* * *

Will Keitaro and Sarah survive the close encounter of the deadly kind with Punisher while Naru and Motoko are watching?

Will Haitani, Shirai, Mutsmui, Kaolla and Shinobu manage to take out the magical girls before they are wiped out from the face of the planet?

Can a Raven and a Hunchback actually manage to take out an Atlas on their own?

Will Hannibal and his brother Leonard escape Shub-Kitsune with their chastity intact?

When will Mecha-Cthulhu appear?

Can Seygram 13 survive the numerous attempts on his life?

Stay tuned for the next chapter of Urashima Keitaro and THE ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO.

And not to mention a guest-appearance where Dr. Doom himself comes to town and experiences the total anarchy and full-scale destruction taking place in Hinata.

* * *

A little flaming would be nice. Please?!?

* * *

Dear readers:

I've decided to let you decide the horrible fate of the Ronin.

Namely which girl he will end up with.

If you're really sadistic, you can decide that he will end up with Kaolla Su and I will comply if the majority of you want so.

_Sarah MacDougal is out of the question since she's too young_

The candidates for the Let's-Torture-Keitaro-Pairing-Show are:

Naru: If you're going for the traditional couple.

Motoko: If you're a Motoko fan.

Su: If you're in a sadistical mood.

Shinobu: If you want her to end up with him.

Mutsumi: If you prefer mostly nice girls over nice girls with slightly psychotic tendencies.

Naomi: If you want a slightly care-free and practical girl to end up with Keitaro.

Mariam: If you like sarcastic girls with a weird sense of humour.

Shub-Kitsune: If you want him to end up as the destined mate of the vixen-turned-cosmic-monstrosity.

I won't hold it against you if you either say Su or Shinobu should end up with him. I'm trying to have a neutral stance towards the preferred pairings of people.


	3. Be Quick or be Dead

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. I'm just using the characters for my insidious amusement. All Marvel-related stuff belongs to Marvel Comics. All songs mentioned in this fic belong to the bands/artists that made them. I don't own the Cthulhu Mythos. I don't own BattleTech or MechWarrior. And finally: Stormbringer is the property and creation of Michael Moorcock.

Since Andrew Joshua Talon asked me to give him a guest appearance in my fic, I've also starred him in this anarchistic storyline.

* * *

"There he is!"

"Kill him!"

"Kill him!"

"Death to the elf-hater!"

"Yes! Death to the blasphemer!"

Seygram13 was currently being chased by a mob carrying torches and whatever they could use to literally make a bloody mess out of him that not even carrions would eat.

He gripped Stormbringer in his left hand as he ran.

His lungs inhaled and exhaled the night air as he stopped and began breathing heavily. His Asthma didn't make it any easy for him.

(Stupid, intolerant elf-lovers! I seriously hope you get what's coming to you in the end!)

He hoped that his allergies wouldn't kick in tonight as he hid in the vast forest. Getting a runny nose and itches was not on his survival list today. He took cover behind a tree.

Luckily for him the mob didn't consist of any elves or half-elves or anyone for that matter who had decent tracking skills and could travel in the forest with ease.

An arrow whizzed past him and imbedded itself in another tree.

"_BLEEP_!" he swore in his native language.

(The forest must be crawlin' with 'em!)

He looked defeated. "I get the feeling that I'm going to be dead soon…"

Seygram 13 felt very sorry for himself (he does that a lot) and wished that he had a flamethrower so that he could turn the green, beautiful forest into a blazing inferno that would also become the elves funeral pyre if they chose to remain hidden there while it burned down.

"Yikes!"

He dodged another arrow that almost hit him in the chest area where the heart lay.

He ran through the vast, dark forest as arrows rained everywhere. Miraculously none of them even hit him as he ran in panic and sheer cowardice.

If there was one thing that people didn't like, it was a fic-writer who thought he was funny and wrote fanfics that got out of hand.

"YOU FOOLS, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU BRING TORCHES INTO A **DRY**FOREST!"

It was one of the elves who shrieked at the mob that was also after him that howled that.

Suddenly something in the forest began to burn. The fire began swiftly to spread itself before anyone could react and parts of the forest indeed begun to resemble an inferno of flames.

Several elves began to scream in horror at what the mob in its frenzy had accidentally done when they discarded torches that seemingly died out and threw them on the ground close to dry vegetation like bushes and trees and grass.

In their rage they instead turned on the mob, slaughtering them as they rained arrows upon arrows at them and then ran screaming at them, waving their new, shiny ultra elven katanas and began to cut them down.

Meanwhile the fire had encircled both the elves and the mob, trapping them without any hopes of escape and survival.

(And I thought I was 'the stupid one' around here.) Seygram13 thought while blinking in astonishment at the elves stupidity. They could have saved themselves (and spared their worshippers) and tried to put out the fire or escape, but they "had to" punish the inferior humans for that.

He had eventually managed to get himself lost in the woods, but had in the end through no sense of direction managed to reach the outskirts of the forest before it went ablaze.

He began to retch as a horrifying stench of something that was burning entered his nostrils.

* * *

"How could the party of elven rangers fail!"

"Due to their own arrogance, Sir." Said another man before he was decapitated for speaking out against the glorious elves with a katana (as usual) wielded by the leader.

The leader kicked the head away contemptuously with a sneer while wiping his katana clean with a cloth. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE GLORIOUS ELVES, YOU HERETIC!"

"Ummmm, Sir? If you haven't noticed you just executed the guy who had just come up with the perfect plan to exterminate Seygram13, and you just viciously murdered him before he could share it with us." another man informed him.

"Seriously, you should do something about that temper of yours," advised another.

"Are you saying that I'm unable to hold my temper?"

"Yes…. And please-don't-kill-me!"

"Relax," another man whispered into the other man's ear, "He only kills people who criticize elves (most of the time) and people who write tasteless fanfics."

"Well that's not very good news, now is it?" The first one replied as he began to sweat. He didn't want to be cut down.

* * *

This was a very unusual situation. Somewhere long from the outskirts of the smoking forest, the infamous fic-writer Seygram13 had encountered and elf sitting on a stump of a chopped-down tree. _No he didn't play an Ocarina and he didn't wear a green tunic and cap!_

Normally Seygram13 would have hacked up every elf he saw in pure fear and desperation, but this time he opted not to, even if he was afraid.

The reason for not chopping this brown-haired elf to bits was:

a) He wore a normal sword instead of a katana.

b) The bow he carried didn't seem to be magical.

c) Neither seemed the arrows in his quiver to be magical.

d) He looked like the type who would slowly torture any other elf who took a name that was supposed to be oriental-like to death.

e) He wore standard, almost worn-out leather armour.

f) None of his equipment seemed magical.

"So you're the infamous Seygram13," the male elf simply said to him.

"No." Seygram13 lied.

"If you're not him, then why are you lugging Stormbringer around?"

"Well….Eh….."

"Relax! I'm not here to kill you. In fact I'm here to thank you."

"What!" the fic-writer exclaimed in surprise, wondering if the sky was about to fall down. This elf said he wanted to "thank him"? This was really confusing.

"I take it you don't understand why I and other elves thank you for viciously murdering other of my kin in brutal fashions that would make most people pale."

"Yes."

"Well," the elf began to explain, " since there are too many elven munchkins running around and you are basically snuffing out some of them, you are doing the elven community a great service by ridding us of these megalomaniacal lunatics."

"So you're telling me that the majority of elves are sick of having elves with oriental-like names that prance arrogantly around with katanas and being totally übermunchkin."

"That's right." He said with a smile.

"That seems kind of cynical coming from an elf."

"I'm not your average day treehugger. And I also like to read Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett."

"How do I know that this isn't some kind of trick and that you'll try to kill me as soon as I've turned my back to you?"

"Paranoid as usual, eh?"

"It keeps me alive." The author replied both glumly and sincerely at the same time. "What's your name, by the way?"

"Saul."

"Saul?"

"What did you expect? Ryuji or Legolas?"

"Something like that."

"Sheesh, you humans have some strange obsession with giving every elf you create weird names." Saul sighed while he shook his head.

"You could say that." The author answered sheepishly.

Seygram 13 wiped his glasses. His brown eyes determined.

It was time to unleash the third chapter of his malevolent fic.

* * *

Seygram 13 presents: Urashima Keitaro and **THE ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO**

_Rated: IR (Insane Rambling)_

_Flame On! Flamers!_

Chapter 3: Be Quick Or Be Dead

* * *

Imagine being chased by King Kong-sized women on a furious rampage, and thereafter the Punisher piloting a giant BattleMech.

That describes the current situation and crisis in the lives of the super-villain named: The Ronin… and his partner and protégé Sarah MacDougal, the she-devil from California.

The Hunchback and the Raven were now running away…again.

It seemed quite ironic to Sarah and Keitaro that they were in fact not the only Mechwarrior fans in Japan; in fact a Japanese Yakuza leader was also a fan of the Battletech universe and had drained vast resources to build a giant Atlas BattleMech. When the Punisher had arrived at this man's hideout and in true Frank Castle-fashion gunned everyone down, Punisher had found the Atlas after discovering a secret entrance the Yakuza boss had opened (before Frank put a dumdum bullet through the back of his head since he ran out of hollow points a few dead goons ago) while trying to escape his apparent doom. Since Castle knew that the Ronin owned at least three giant robotic (turtle-like) monstrosities of death and destruction, he decided to go ahead and pilot the giant robot/mech with a skull-like head. Fortunately for him there was a manual lying around in the cockpit that explained in several steps how to pilot this machine of death.

* * *

Okinawa:

Captain Andrew Joshua Talon of the US Navy readied his F/A-18E Super Hornet and lifted off from the hangar ship where he had been stationed on Okinawa.

Somehow the Japanese government had convinced the US through diplomacy to give them air support to handle the sudden crisis taking place in Hinata.

Accompanied by three other F/A-18Es and three F/A-18F Super Hornets, they felt confident enough to take on the giant robots and the brides of King Kong. An S-3 Viking was also launched as a scout to survey the area electronically.

"Let's get this show on the road, guys!"

"Aye, aye, Captain!" the other pilots chorused simultaneously.

* * *

The infamous Dr. Doom, the renowned and infamous ruler of the tiny country known as Latveria was currently in a secret library hidden under an infamous haunted mansion haunted by the ghosts of dozens of deceased, underage magical girls that were gunned down by hitmen that housed numerous scrolls and ancient tomes which contained the knowledge of the mysterious dark, cruel and ancient sorcerers of the East.

True he possessed knowledge of magic that even Dr. Strange himself who was more versed in the arts wouldn't dare to underestimate him as a capable sorcerer despite that he relied on a combination of science and magic to further his sinister goals while Stephen Strange like most other mystic relied on magic alone. To depend on one thing alone could be disastrous and Doom was no fool.

Too bad he still hadn't found the spell would curse Reed Richards into unendingly babble boring technical stuff which most normal people wouldn't understand till the of time, causing numerous people hearing him to commit suicide to end the terrible torment of Richards neverending banter. Those big-breasted women he had met earlier wielding assorted weaponry and using various energy attacks and magic which usually required them to say the attack's name were child's play compared to the Fantastic Four. And their costumes were even more cheesy than the Fantastic Four's old costumes and the X-Men's and the Avengers' old threads put together and mixed into a blender that made super-heroes' costumes. The underage magical girls were worse though. He shuddered as he remembered those ghastly costumes they wore. He suddenly got an idea - by projecting images of various magical girls into the mind of Richards to turn him into a raving madman. Doom smiled behind his metallic mask.

The wall suddenly exploded as a hypersonic, gigantic slug fired from a huge Gauss Rifle crashed through and exited through the adjacent wall, destroying most of the scrolls and tomes (since they were so old that they were very vulnerable to destructive incidents like these).

Needless to say, Dr. Doom was very angered by this, but managed to regain his composure and began to investigate the cause of this needless display of senseless vandalism.

* * *

Keitaro breathed out a sigh of relief as the Punisher somehow managed to miss him and Sarah with the Gauss Rifle.

"You OK, Sarah?"

"I think so, Keitaro." Sarah responded.

"By the looks of it he's armed with two PPC's (particle projector cannons), one LRM (long range missile) rack, a Gauss rifle and three small lasers."

"Why do I have the feeling that we're doomed?"

"Maybe because Punisher is sitting in the cockpit of one of the most dangerous assault 'Mechs that has ever been built."

"That could be it."

"But," Keitaro interrupted, "he's also a lot more slower than we are. That means we can run away and hope that he never catches us, or come up with a tactical plan to defeat him."

"Good plan," Sarah answered, "we can use the buildings as cover while we're at it."

"If it hadn't been for the fact that you were a kid I would have asked you to marry me." Keitaro said jokingly to his partner.

"What is it with you Asians and your obsession with blonde, blue-eyed women?" Sarah replied in a mocking melodramatic manner.

"Who knows?" shrugged the Ronin as he dodged several missiles fired from the Atlas and two PPC bolts missed him and damaged an abandoned building that collapsed minutes after it was struck.

Sarah dodged another round fired by the powerful Gauss Rifle (which was practically a super rail gun) by running through a small alley and said, "It's too bad that our BattleMechs aren't equipped with long range weaponry, Keitaro."

"Yeah, I know." he answered "Both our mechs are equipped with short range weapons and it's too risky to try a skirmish with the Atlas since it can make mincemeat out of us before we even can get into firing range." Keitaro then remembered something. "Where are Naru and Motoko?" he asked.

"Who knows. Let's worry about **him** first and the girls 'later'."

"You're right!"

The two of them used every knowledge of BattleMech piloting they had to avoid Punisher's weapons and gallantly chickened out to Frank Castle's chagrin.

* * *

"Evildoers and minions of darkness! Prepare to be **destroyed**!" The magical girls cried out and charged.

Haitani and Shirai swore out loud as the prepared their trusty BFGs (Bimbo Fraggin' Guns), the sound of the guns being powered up as they began to hum.

"Eat hot plasma!" Shirai shouted and fired a powerful blast towards them.

"You want some of this?" Haitani also cried out and also unleashed a powerful blast at them.

Both failed with their macho trash talking. And the disgustingly clad magical girls evaded the blasts and continued charging and began unleashing sick-coloured energy blasts of their own.

Hearing the name Rainbow-Coloured Deathbeam of Annihilation would make anyone shiver in fear or succumb to an epileptic seizure of giant proportions.

As another magical girl was about to finish crying out the name of her other super-ultra attack, Shirai slammed the butt of his energy rifle into her stomach -

"OOOOOOF!"

And then slamming it into her head.

**CRACK!**

"Don't underestimate me because I'm fat, you underage freaks of nature!" And unleashed a point blank shot which turned the hyper-cute girl into a non-cute pile of ashes.

**ZAAAAAP!**

"I thought you said you were big-boned?"

"Shut up, Beanstalk!"

"Don't call me **'Beanstalk'**!" a very red-faced Haitani roared out and blocked a blow from a magical girl with his rifle which absorbed the blow, resulting that girl broke her hand, and delivered a desperate roundhouse kick which connected with the head of the other one flanking him. He then blew a hole through the chest of the magical girl who had broken her hand. "Two down , two to go, pal!"

Shinobu and Kaolla Su had their hands full with the magical helpers of these magical girls. Luckily Shinobu had managed to fish out one of the frying pans used in the kitchen out of the pile of rubble. She used it to her advantage.

**CLANG!**

**BOOM!**

And somehow Kaolla Su had managed to smuggle a bazooka with her, which she used to blow apart a cute furry animal with too big to be true (and too cute for comfort) eyes.

Mutsumi Otohime instinctively blocked a blow to her solar plexus., surprising the magical girl who tried to take her out. She then responded by giving her a good right hook in the jaw….

**KA-POW!**

And she went sailing over the horizon.

Mustumi blinked.

"Ara?"

Sure it was rather odd to suddenly faint and wake up finding out someone had turned you into a cyborg. But she had to admit that it was nice not faint every now and then.

"Phew!" Haitani sighed. "That was really a close call."

"You're telling me!" snorted Shirai. "It would have been embarrassing to be blown to kingdom come by a pack of underage freaks ranting about creating a utopia where they become the new upper class."

"And to think that people like the ghastly costumes they wear. Ugh!"

"That's humanity in general." Explained Shirai in a tutoring manner. "Stupidity and arrogance is one of the traits we see in all cultures and people all around the world. And to think that some chowderhead intellectuals from our country babbled complete utter nonsense about other Asians being inferior during the 30s and World War II."

"You know how stupid intellectuals are despite their knowledge." Haitani answered. "All around the world during that time people from around the world were for some reason beyond my senses obsessed with eugenics, social-darwinism and so-called 'superiority' of some races."

"People are stupid."

"Amen to that."

"Didn't we forget one of them?" Shirai asked while blinking in realization.

The remaining magical began to stir as she lay on the ground after Haitani had downed her with his kick. Both Haitani and Shirai charged their BFGs to full power and disintegrated her.

* * *

"Croak!"

"I know, big brother! My arms are getting tired too."

Standing in front of Shub-Kitsune and warding her off with their empowered Elder Signs was pretty easy. The problem was that you tend to get tired when you hold something in front of a person for a long time.

Leonard and Hannibal were in a mess.

This was due to the casting of a simple spell turned wrong.

Somehow they had managed to infuse a part of the essence of the Great Old One, Shub-Niggurath into the body of Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno, making her officially a part of a cosmic, deity-like monstrosity with an ungodly libido.

"Why don't you boys give up and come over here?"

"Madam," Hannibal said, "I do not intend to have you use me and my brother as sex toys and having weird monstrous, slimy/scaly/multi-limbed children with idiotic guttural names!"

"Croak!"

"And as my brother so precisely and colourfully put it - **you're not our type!**"

"**I'll get you yet!**" Shub-Kitsune began to hiss as her voice became darker and more sinister and her eyes turned as dark as dark can be.

"Uh-oh!"

"Croak!" Leonard agreed.

* * *

"Is it just me or did I just see discharges of energy coming from those ruins?" one of the crewmembers in the S-3 Viking asked his fellow crewmembers.

"Could be," one of them shrugged, "but I was busy observing our targets: Three Battlemechs and two enlarged Asian women."

Has the captain been informed of the location of the targets?"

"Yes."

"And Harold…"

"Yes?"

"Stop constantly singing Surfin' Bird when we're flying, or we'll throw you out of the plane without any parachute."

Harold gulped, "Okay."

* * *

"THIS KEEPS GETTING WEIRDER AND WEIRDER," said Naru.

"I AGREE WITH YOU," Motoko said.

The two fifty foot tall girls were standing on an abandoned street. It was abandoned since the people ran away screaming after seeing the chaos and destruction unleashed today.

"IS IT JUST ME OR AM I SEEING AIRPLANES?" Naru asked as she looked up the sky.

"THEY LOOK LIKE PLANES, YES." Answered Motoko.

* * *

"Has everyone got a lock on them?" Captain Andrew Joshua Talon asked his men.

"Yessir!" all of them barked in unison.

"Then let's ice those bitches!"

* * *

Several air-to-surface missiles from the F/A-18Fs and the F/A-18Es were unleashed upon the enlarged young women known to us as Naru Narusegawa and Motoko Aoyama.

"YIKES!" Naru exclaimed as several missiles impacted upon them, but merely giving them a few scratches.

"**HIKEN ZANKUSEN!**" Motoko bellowed and with a swing unleashed a large air blast.

* * *

"Evade!" the captain roared out to his men as everyone began to scatter from their formation.

One of the F/A-18Es managed narrowly to avoid being blown to pieces through sheer skill and luck. Unfortunately the tail of the plane was severed from the impact which struck it.

"Captain! I'm bailing out!" the pilot informed and ejected out of the cockpit. He released the parachute after quickly calculating where it was possible where he would land.

"Vincent's down captain. What should we do!" a pilot from one of the F/A-18Fs said while trying not to panic.

"We keep on hammering them till they drop, pal!" Talon answered.

"Sounds like a good idea to me." The co-pilot in the F/A-18F Super Hornet replied.

"What about dropping a few laser-guided bombs on top of them, sir?" another pilot suggested. "Or what about some good ol' napalm?"

"We're supposed to save the city, not blow apart, soldier. But I have to admit that it's rather tempting, even if it's too extreme for comfort."

"Will'ya look at those hooters, guys! They're frickin' huge!"

"Are you some kind of pervert who gets turned on by gigantic women?" another pilot commented sourly.

"But you have to admit," another pilot said, "they really are 'huge'."

"Enough comedy, guys - we have work to do!" Captain Talon finally said.

(Join the US navy. See the world. And here I am stuck in Okinawa with the biggest bunch of lunatics who's ever flown a fighter plane.) He thought dryly to himself.

"Incoming!" another pilot roared out as the raven-haired women used her giant sword to hurl another blast at them….

* * *

"Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed." quoted Naomi cheerfully as she started the Batmobile from the old Batman TV-series from the 60s.

"I have a reaallly bad feeling about this, Naomi." Mariam said to her partner as she sat down beside her in the seat beside the driver seat.

"Don't worry. I know how to drive." Naomi answered as she used the stick shift to put the car in reverse and held one foot on the clutch as she did so and then pushed the accelerator pedal with her other foot as she released some pressure on the clutch.

"But you don't have a licence!"

"Who said I needed one?" she said casually as she reversed the car out of the car exhibition inside the warehouse. After exiting and turning the car properly, she increased the pressure on the clutch as she switched the gear. "Hang on tight!" she simply said and pressed the accelerator pedal.

(At least we didn't steal that car from Knight Rider.) Mariam thought in relief. But that was the only positive thought going through her head at the time.

* * *

"We could try to make him overheat his 'Mech and make him temporarily shut down… and then we attack him with all we got." The Ronin suggested.

"Maybe, but are we brave enough to provoke him into firing at us like a maniac."

"No."

"At least we are being honest about it," Sarah sighed.

"What about turning over to passive sensors, sneak up on him from behind and try to clobber him?"

"We've got nothing to lose by trying that." She answered.

"Maintain radio silence until we're certain we're behind him. Follow me." Keitaro ended the transmission and switched to passive sensors. Sarah did the same.

Taking the lead, the Raven took the lead followed by the Hunchback.

They knew the risk of taking on the Punisher.

Sarah's Hunchback was ideal for urban combat, while Keitaro's Raven was one of the best scouts and could support other 'Mechs in a firefight while not being a BattleMech made for combat.

Both 'Mechs walked slowly to avoid making too much noise.

* * *

Frank Castle swore heavily as his two targets disappeared from the sensors on his Atlas. (Well two can play at that game!) he thought and turned to passive sensors as well.

* * *

Thus the dangerous game of cat and mousse began between them. The Punisher versus the Ronin and his partner.

Prowling the streets, the two 'Mechs tried to find the big one while the big 'Mech tried to find the two smaller ones…

* * *

"Is the door behind us?" Hannibal asked his brother while keeping the Elder Sign and his eyes trained on a scowling Shub-Kitsune.

Leonard looked slowly over his shoulder while at the same time holding his ward in front of the cosmic entity at the same time. "Croak." He confirmed.

"Is it open?"

"Croak." Leonard answered.

"Okay, we'll do this slowly and steadily."

Slowly the two brothers began slowly to walk backwards in the direction of their exit without turning their backs to Shub-Kitsune.

Despite being scaly and a little slimy, Leonard began to slightly sweat. Hannibal was also sweating due to the stress.

(Dear Father Dagon and Mother Hydra: Don't let her catch us! Don't let her catch **us**!) Hannibal silently prayed. (O Great And Terrible Cthulhu. If you hear my pathetic prayer - **please save us!**)

"Croak?" said Leonard as they passed through the door with Shub-Kitsune slowly following them.

"Yup!" Hannibal answered.

Working together the two brothers quickly grabbed the handles of one door each and slammed them shut in front of Shub-Kitsune.

"**HEY!**" she roared in inhuman anger.

The two brothers began quickly to chant the most powerful warding spells they could come up with on short notice, their eyes turning into black pools of shadow. Seconds later the doors were surrounded by an eldritch, sinister aura."

"Croak?" Leonard asked his younger brother.

"I think the wards will hold her for a minute or two, big brother." He answered.

"Croak."

"I agree."

Both turned and ran as fast as they could while they could hear someone curse loudly in an alien language behind the two warded doors.

A minute later the two doors simply exploded and an angry Shub-Kitsune surrounded by a crackling black aura stepped out. Matter around her was shaped in different forms by her will alone as she slowly began to levitate in the air, flying in the direction of the two brothers.

(Actually scaring them silly in order to make them conjure more liquor for me is kinda fun.) Shub-Kitsune smirked. She knew she had the power to do this herself without almost any effort, but it was more fun to scam sake from others without really trying hard. (These two clowns are even wimpier than Keitaro.)

In the past she would most likely have flirted with them in order to make them get her what she wanted (which usually consisted of material goods like clothes and sake), but now she felt different. She felt more flamboyant than before and empowered with cosmic powers which made her a force to be reckoned with.

She stopped as she saw a couch and several barrels filled with sake lying there in front of her.

Shub-Kitsune grinned a vixen-like grin. (I think I can take a short break…..)

* * *

Andrew swore loudly as his F/A-18E avoided another blast from Motoko and fired a spray of machine gun rounds at her while simultaneously launching four air-to-surface missiles which she managed to cut down in mid-air.

"What's your status?" he asked his men.

"Our planes are a little shook up, but they're fine for the moment," answered one of the pilots.

"We'll try to surround them. They can't block missiles from both directions. And if it gets too tough, we drop a few bombs on 'em."

"Aye, aye, sir!"

"Captain! I think I can see the big robot a few blocks away!" another pilot suddenly said. "I can't see it on radar, but it's definitely down there."

"The huge robot is certainly the most dangerous thing out there." One of the crewmembers in the S-3 answered through the radio. "We suggest taking them out as soon as possible. We'll be keeping an eye out for all targets and transmit the whereabouts of their vicinity."

"So what do we do, sir?" the pilot asked.

"I think we should split up into two groups and try to take all three targets out. To all F/A-18Fs: concentrate fire on the biggest robot and take out the other ones as secondary targets."

"Yessir!" The F/A-18F pilots barked out.

* * *

"Na na na na na na na…. Batman!" a female voice was singing (or at least trying to sing) while steering the car quite well despite not having a licence to drive an automobile.

"Will you please stop with that awful singing?" Mariam complained to the driver. "I swear I could see people on the street twitching and convulsing in pain from your racket."

"Are you insinuating that I can't sing at all?" Naomi asked her sarcastic partner.

"Is the world round?"

"Yes."

"Then you can't sing."

"So what if I can't sing." Naomi shrugged. "It's not a crime to sing in public, Mariam."

"Singing? I thought you were testing some form of psychological warfare on those people." Was the sardonic reply coming from Mariam.

"At least I don't dress up in a freaking downright silly skirt and sing stupid love songs like Naru once did."

"You would most likely have dressed up like Cher in her in her music video 'If I could turn back time' and sing old Roxette songs in front of a whole crowd of male students." Mariam commented dryly.

"I like Roxette. You got something against it! And that costume wasn't that revealing!" Naomi replied hotly. "At least I don't listen to Phil Collins every day."

"What in the world is wrong with Phil Collins?" a red-faced Mariam asked Naomi menacingly.

Naomi gave her a wicked smile, "Fooled ya!"

Mariam grumbled something about irritating people as Naomi continued driving. Turning on the radio and tuning it in, it soon began to play AC/DC's Thunderstruck.

"Now we just have to follow the explosions to find the boss." Naomi remarked cheerfully as she slightly increased the speed of the car.

* * *

What Dr. Doom saw surprised him.

It seemed that the city was experiencing anarchy on a grand scale.

Three large robots piloted by three different people were on a rampage. And to female versions of Giant-Man were prancing around town half-naked while trying to swat away airplanes sent out by the US Navy. And he was sensing a large quantity of black magic being used under the Tokyo University, which had been rebuilt after the Ronin trashed it like a methodical madman with his robot turtles.

He had seen worse, but unlike the other incidents this was more chaotic and anarchistic and downright idiotic to the point of supreme stupidity.

He knew that Keitaro Urashima was somehow responsible for this mess and knew that only he was truly capable of such fantastic and both idiotic feats at the same time.

Like the time he and his erratic protégé and partner-in-crime tried to steal some of his Doom-bots and instead ended up re-activating seventy of them them and resulting in that the capital of Latveria had to rebuild a lot of things. And he had finally decided to make bicycles out of the remains of the Doom-bots.

The Ronin was most likely the stupidest super-villain on the planet and also one of the most daring ones when it came to action. He could hold his own in a fight when needed. That was the only positive thing he could say of him.

He decided to wait in the background and if necessary intervene if things got too out of hand…..

* * *

(Where the _BLEEP_ is he!) was the current thought going through Sarah MacDougal's head at the moment. It was hard to fight off the constant paranoia of walking around with passive sensors with maintained radio silence. Despite that the sensors still managed to maintain a shorter scanning radius, it was still possible for someone with good eyes to blast them from a distance that the passive sensors would not be able to detect him, having the moment of surprise on his side. She began to feel the sweating, and the heat inside the 'Mech was beginning to strain her concentration. She was nervous and she didn't want to die.

Both she and Keitaro knew that it was up to her Hunchback to take out Punisher. The heavy LBX AC20 was the only thing in their arsenal which could inflict sufficient damage to take out the Atlas in short enough time. The only problem was that it would take several precise shots because the Atlas was one of the most armoured assault 'Mechs that could take a beating and still manage to come out as the victor in a firefight.

But it was up to Keitaro to find Punisher before he could spot them since his Raven was built to detect most enemies when scouting for trouble.

* * *

Keitaro wanted to run away. His brain and sub-consciousness were screaming at him to flee for his miserable life and hide somewhere safe.

He wished he had never chosen to wear that black tank top today. It was very hot inside the cockpit of his BattleMech and he had discarded his black leather jumpsuit and donned some jeans while keeping his tank top. He also wished he had had the foresight to install air-conditioning (which he hadn't done and was now regretting it).

He tried keeping his eyes both peeled on the various sensor arrays and looking through the cockpit windows in search of his enemy. It was hard. Especially when you're filled with angst, stress and fear which would make most people hug themselves in fright and crawl to somewhere dark (and hopefully safe) to hide.

He brought his 'Mech to a sudden halt, switching on the targeting window used for precise sniping or targeting. He zoomed in on a suspicious object he saw moving between a few buildings. He only managed to get a small glimpse before it disappeared from his sight.

He had a good guess of what the thing he saw had been. The Atlas was definitely one of the biggest 'Mechs in the BattleTech Universe.

He knew that it could be a trap set up by Castle to lure them out in the open, but he also knew that he had to take the chance to get Punisher in an ambush from behind.

He slowly began to move his 'Mech forward in the direction of where he sighted a glimpse of a hulking, metallic robot. He noted that Sarah was also following him in her Hunchback, maybe feeling as scared as him.

"It's now or never," he muttered bitterly to himself.

He hoped he knew what he was doing.

* * *

Frank Castle smiled, knowing that the two morons had taken the bait. He had managed to find them a long time ago and had chosen not to open fire as they still had some cover they could hide behind.

He had positioned himself somewhere where one of them could get a glimpse of him moving, making them believe that he hadn't seen them and that they now had the opportunity to win the fight.

Then after moving a bit, he re-positioned his 'Mech, covering the most likely areas they would arrive from.

He never knew what hit him.

* * *

"Bombs away!" One of the co-pilots confirmed as they began dropping laser-guided bombs on top of the giant robot with the skull-like head.

Captain Andrew Joshua Talon smiled as the bombs targeted the hulking monstrosity and hit it dead on with all of them. It began to slightly stagger due to the impact of the detonating bombs. "Lock on with air-to-surface missiles, guys. We're taking that big, ugly hunk of junk down."

"Aye, aye, sir!" The crew in the three F/A-18Fs chorused.

"Okay, guys," Andrew addressed the pilots in the remaining F/A-18Es, "Now's the time to see if the old saying 'The bigger they are the harder they fall' is really true."

"Roger that, boss!" Nigel Thompson answered and then began humming a catchy Jazz tune that had been sung by Ella Fitzgerald while launching a missile at the gigantic Narusegawa.

"I think the black-haired one's the most dangerous, sir." Halim Zahedi informed him.

"By the looks of it I think you are right, Halim," Andrew answered. "What do you think she's screaming?"

"I think it was something sounding like 'Hiken Zankusen', sir."

"What does that mean?"

"I have no idea. I was just stationed at that hole in Okinawa along with you and didn't even bother learning Japanese phrases and such. Not that I have anything against anime and manga and such, but I prefer other stuff."

The US Navy consisted of many men and women of various people of various cultural and religious backgrounds that lived in the US and most of these men and women were glad that they weren't officers of superior rank since they would most likely tear out their hair by the roots out of sheer frustration when it came to handling the oddballs in the navy who cause any serious problems but irritated the heck out of everyone else now and then. Like Harold who liked to play Surfin' Bird every frickin' time they were flying, or singing it loud in the shower.

"Okay, guys. I'll draw the samurai chick's attention, and Nigel will take her right flank while you Halim blast her from behind."

"What about the brown-haired/auburn-haired one?"

"I don't think she's a serious danger since she can't blast us."

An old Honda automobile flew past his cockpit and crashed into an adjacent building…. Followed by several other cars and the occasional motorcycles.

"Um… I think this is the perfect time to panic." Andrew Joshua Talon simply said.

* * *

Frank Castle swore heavily.

The bombs had shook him up and made the Atlas stagger slightly for a few seconds.

He then responded by making the Atlas twist it's torso to the left and fired two PPC bolts and a Gauss Rifle slug at one of the F/A-18Fs. The pilot managed narrowly to avoid the powerful energy bolts, but unfortunately the giant hypersonic slug tore through the right wing of the plane.

"Holy _BLEEP!_ We're bailing out!" the pilot exclaimed as he and his co-pilot ejected out of the now rapidly descending F/A-18F.

Punisher then switched to active sensors and rapidly placed his targeting cursor on one of the remaining planes. After a few seconds the targeting cursor turned red, confirming that he had locked on his target and then pushed the button which unleashed a salvo of LRMs (Long Range Missiles) at it.

The F/A-18F responded by taking an evasive manoeuvre and tried to evade the missiles by relying on low altitude and high speed. The pilot not being your archetypical ace pilot in every story you tend to read knew that he was better at gunning things down than flying and had mediocre enough flying skills to narrowly avoid crashing into a building.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing!" his co-pilot shouted while keeping an eye out for the missiles.

"No." the pilot simply said. "I'm panicking."

(We're doomed…) the co-pilot bitterly thought while wishing that they had been assigned to take out the giant women with tremendous tits.

The pilot knew that it was sheer stupidity to fly on maximum speed. True the speed was incredible, but in return the manoeuvrability would suffer from this. He needed a combination of good handling and speed to successfully survive. Twisting and turning through corners and buildings was what only an idiot watching too many movies did. He didn't try anything fancy or fantastic but simply banked to take cover behind anything that could be used as cover.

(Ouch!) he thought as several missiles hit buildings and other inanimate objects, hoping that he wouldn't be charged for property damage.

He made a quick turn to the left and decreased the throttle as the four remaining missiles streaked by the F/A-18F; he then re-positioned the plane and let loose a barrage on machine gun bullets and dumb-fired air-to-air missiles which tore through the missiles like a hot knife through butter.

"Am I good or what!" he triumphantly exclaimed, forgetting to look where he was flying…. and crashed into the ocean.

"Idiot." His co-pilot muttered sourly after they exited the plane and swam in the direction of the shore.

* * *

"**NOW!**" Keitaro cried out as he rapidly switched on the radio and went over to active sensors again.

The Hunchback and Raven unleashed each an alpha strike on the back of the monstrous Atlas. Several laser blasts, short range missiles and a powerful heavy autocannon blast tore at the metallic back of the giant, making it slightly shake and stagger as if hit by two well-placed PPC bolts.

(Lucky for us the US Navy decided to join the party.) Thought as he moved his Raven behind a building while his weapons recycled and the slight heat buildup decreased.

"Okay, Sarah - This is the plan: Hit and run tactics to wear him down before the coup de grace."

"Affirmative, Keitaro. Shall we split up and attack from two directions?"

"Fine with me, kiddo."

"Don't call **me** a **kid**, 'Ronin' !" Sarah roared while dodging Punisher's PPC blasts and Gauss Rifle slug, twisting the Hunchbacks torso in the direction of the Atlas while on the move and fired her lasers and the heavy autocannon simultaneously. The blast missed the centre torso and instead hit the right arm of the Atlas. She braced herself for slight impact as the three small lasers opened fire on her and hit the left shoulder of her Hunchback.

Keitaro positioned his Raven behind the moving Atlas and charged forward. When he was in range he fired his weapons on one of the legs of the Atlas. Keitaro swore as several of the missiles missed while the rest and the lasers hit the left leg of the giant 'Mech. He then turned his 'Mech to the right while twisting his torso to the left in the direction of its bigger adversary.

Unfortunately for him then Atlas hit him dead on with its PPCs and Gauss Rifle making him and his BattleMech slam violently to the ground as it was knocked down.

_Weapon lost. _A mechanical female-sounding voice said as one of the SRM launchers and two medium lasers were destroyed.

Keitaro turned pale as all the damage readings on his 'Mech were on red alert and most of his screens turned static.

"I hate my life…" he muttered to himself.

* * *

(Gotta keep him distracted!) was the thought ringing clearly through Sarah's head as she fired her powerful autocannon anew followed by two laser blasts and some SRMs. The blast of her LBX AC20 hit the centre torso of the Atlas while the laser bolts struck the head/cockpit together with the short range missiles.

"Over here, big and ugly! Come and get me!"

She knew that the life of her partner was at stake and that she was making a serious gamble of life and death when she attacked Punisher head on like a charging bull.

For all her courage and bravado she was rewarded with a powerful kick from the the giant 'Mech with the skull-like head which sent her Hunchback crashing into the wall of a building. Two PPC bolts followed, striking the left arm of her Hunchback and blowing it clean off.

"That's no way to treat a lady." She wheezed as she saw that the Atlas was locking on to her with everything it had.

She had lost one of her lasers when her arm blew off and from the looks of it Punisher wouldn't give her enough time to recover.

(If I go down - I'll go down fighting.) She gritted her teeth as she prepared herself for the final assault and targeted the Atlas with her remaining weapons.

As the Punisher was about to blast Sarah into hot metal shrapnel, she heard a distorted and static voice on her radio cry out: "Death From Above!"

And the Raven propelled several feet up in the air by its jump-jets landed on the head of the much bigger Atlas. The sheer force and weight of the attack made the Atlas topple to the ground as the Raven introduced the Atlas to its feet.

"Kiss gravel, you _BLEEPING BLEEP_ of a _BLEEPING BLEEP_!"

The tiny 'Mech began then to jump up and down on the back of the Atlas like if it was on a giant trampoline.

"Thanks for the help, boss - now get out of my targeting sight!" Sarah thanked her mentor in her usual gruff manner and trained her scope on the Atlas and let loose a blast from her heavy autocannon as the Raven "jumped up" thanks to its jump-jets.

The blast struck home as it managed to blast a small hole in the back of the Atlas, causing smoke to erupt from this wound.

"Sarah, there's only one chance we have to bring big and ugly down," was the words coming from Keitaro.

"And that is?"

"We have to set our 'Mechs to self-destruct by making the reactors overload to critical mass and keep them as close as possible to Punisher's 'Mech."

Sarah seeing that this was no time to argue silently accepted this order and crashed her 'Mech into the bulk of the Atlas while simultaneously firing all her weapons in a final alpha strike and activated the self-destruct sequence.

The Raven landed on the back of the Atlas as well and Keitaro punched in the command to self-destruct.

"Time to eject, Sarah…." He muttered.

* * *

Two ejector pods were seconds later seen being launched high up into the air -

**BOOM!**

Followed by a huge explosion as the Hunchback and Raven exploded.

"Wohoo! Look at the fireworks!" Sarah shouted in pure joy. "Do you think the bastard is pushing up the daisies yet?"

"I seriously doubt it, Sarah. I saw his ejector pod crashing several miles out in the ocean."

"Darn it!" Sarah swore while punching the glass window of her pod hard. "I thought we had him!"

"You can't win them all." Keitaro's voice through the com-channel answered.

Sarah shrugged. "I guess you're right, Keitaro."

* * *

The two men (or should I say one man and a woman) in the remaining F/A-18F were blinking in astonishment.

"Is it just me or did someone do the work for us?" the pilot Beatrice Anderson asked her co-pilot George Schwarzwald.

"It seems that way." George replied casually. "I think we have to go back and help the captain, though. I think he and the guys still have their hands full with that girl with the big ol' sword."

"Where's the other one?"

"I think she was heading in the direction of the two pods after she tried to hit the captain and the others with a few cars."

"Japanese?" George asked.

"Of course the cars are Japanese, you idiot. We're in Japan for Christ's sake!" Beatrice roared out in total frustration.

"I was just kidding." George retorted while at the same time harbouring a little fear of Beatrice in his quivering voice.

* * *

Frank Castle swore heavily and loudly as he spat out salt water.

It would take a long time to reach shore.

And he thought he saw a fin heading in his direction.

The "poor" shark died gruesomely when Punisher was done with it using a **large** and **sharp** military combat knife.

_The fic-writer is attacked savagely by animal lovers who beat him with sturdy sticks_

* * *

"Whew!" Keitaro breathed out in relief as he exited his pod which had landed on a parking lot together with Sarah's. "I'm glad that's over with."

"NOT QUITE!" a feminine voice boomed out as a foot crashed down on the pod and a large hand gripped him roughly without any regards to his well-being.

"H-hello, Narusegawa."

"DON'T YOU 'HELLO NARUSEGAWA' ME, KEITARO URASHIMA! FIRST YOU BLOW UP TOUDAI; THEN YOU CAPTURE ME AND MOTOKO; AND NOW WE'RE FRICKIN' HUGE THANKS TO YOU!" She shrieked and began to squeeze Keitaro as hard as she could. As usual Naru's rage was stronger than her reason despite her high intelligence.

Keitaro screamed in inhuman agony as Naru's clenched hand began to crush the life out of him. He knew that he could only withstand such a punishment for a short time before her sheer strength would definitely overcome the protection from his invulnerability.

Naru grinned as she set out to perform the coup de grace and crush the spiteful insect in her hand.

"**Let him go**…." A familiar voice said with firm determination, holding back traces of rage and malice.

Naru looked down and saw Mutsumi Otohime staring daggers at her.

"YOU AND WHAT ARMY!" Naru spat out impulsively.

Needless to say - Mutsumi attacked.

* * *

Will Mutsumi manage to save our antagonist from the clutches of the giant Naru?

Will Hannibal and Leonard manage to outwit Shub-Kitsune and escape with their chastity intact?

Will Mecha-Cthulhu finally appear?

Will Captain Talon and his band of non-heroic misfits bring Motoko down like King Kong?

What will Dr. Doom do?

Will the author of this ridiculous trash finally die an agonizing death for his audacity to write this crap?

Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of Urashima Keitaro and THE ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO.

* * *

Yeah I know I've changed my pen name to Chris Oddland now, but it didn't feel right to replace my old pen name in this chapter despite a lot of rewrites and corrections.

And by the way, the poll in the Let's-Torture-Keitaro-Pairing-Show is still going.

One reviewer requested that I should add Sarah MacDougal in the pairing charts. Okay, why not.

Feel free to choose your favourite candidate without any prejudice from the writer.

The Candidates are:

Naru: The obvious choice if you like the traditional Naru/Keitaro coupling.

Motoko: If you're a fan of the sword-wielding kendoist.

Kaolla Su: If you're an utter sadistic monster who wants to torture Keitaro repeatedly.

Shinobu: If you have soft spot for her despite her being underage.

Mutsumi: If you're one of the guys who want to have Keitaro ending up with someone a little saner than Naru and Motoko (and a lot calmer too).

Naomi: If you want a practical joker with a little common sense to end up with Keitaro.

Mariam: If you want to torture Keitaro utterly by pairing him up with this sarcastic cynic and pessimist who has a morbid sense of humour.

Shub-Kitsune: If you're an utter loon.

And finally… Sarah MacDougal if you're a sick, sick person.

I still have a neutral stance to the pairings.. and if somehow Sarah should win; I'd have to come up with a stupid idea on how to actually make it work.

* * *


End file.
